Kate Motaung, Author at Allen Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

Coming Out of the Quicksand: Recovering From Infidelity

Coming Out of the Quicksand: Recovering From Infidelity

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:04:09+00:00August 28th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Infidelity is like a quicksand trap. The draw of an illicit encounter retains an alluring appearance on the surface. By the time we are engaged in it, however, it magnetizes and pulls us under. Its influence restricts us and makes it difficult to get free without drawing attention. We may not want to do it, but reaching out for help can extricate us from the clutches of what would consume and devour. Satan would try to seal our mouths with the sting of shame instead of asking for an escape and the strength to turn back to the Lord. Yet, we don’t have to silence ourselves, but instead freely embrace the Helper in the Person of the Holy Spirit and those who will help to restore us (1 Corinthians 10:13; Galatians 6:1-2). It is possible to exit an adulterous affair but linger in shame. When we look at ourselves in the mirror, we may no longer see someone we respect or even view ourselves as someone that the Lord loves. The same enemy whose enticement we once followed now taunts us with condemnation and shame (James 1:14). Although we cannot reverse the choices that led to our part in the infidelity or undo the past, we can trust the eternal God to heal what time cannot. Beginning today with true repentance turns our hearts back to the Father and what He says about us. This is what penetrates the wounds we can’t reach and what infidelity couldn’t answer (1 John 1:9). Recovering from infidelity doesn’t have to be done in isolation. We require the support of sisters and brothers in Christ to facilitate restoration. Ultimately, it is the work of the Holy Spirit within but Jesus moves through His Body to bring wholeness in ways that are impossible in [...]

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You Are Not Alone: Common Women’s Insecurities

You Are Not Alone: Common Women’s Insecurities

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:04:18+00:00August 17th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Women’s Issues|

There is likely nothing that adds to a burden more than the feeling that you’re carrying it alone. Sometimes, the best thing you can hear is “Me too!”. The fact that another person shares the same burden, that you aren’t alone, or weird, in dealing with certain things, doesn’t eliminate your struggle, but it certainly lightens the load. Women’s insecurities are no different. C.S. Lewis once wrote, “When two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’ It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision - it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.” Knowing that other women have insecurities like yours may not forge a friendship, but it allows you to stand in “immense solitude” with others. Common women’s insecurities All people have insecurities, and they stem from a variety of sources. Some insecurities may not be peculiar to women, but many women experience them. Airing them out allows the sense of shame, guilt, or fear that shrouds them to dissipate. Some of the more common women’s insecurities include the following: Insecurities about one’s body. There is a lot of pressure in society to conform to certain beauty standards. Ads, movies, and social media all conspire to create the image of the perfect woman. A negative body image can result, leading to dissatisfaction with the body [...]

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Key Questions to Ask in Premarital Counseling

Key Questions to Ask in Premarital Counseling

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:04:28+00:00June 28th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Listen to this article The American family is changing rapidly, and now more than ever shifts are occurring which means, for example, that many are choosing to live without a romantic partner. According to 2019 census data, around 38% of American adults from ages 25-54 were “unpartnered,” meaning they were neither living with a partner nor were they married. While all that is happening, people are nonetheless choosing to be married despite these broader societal trends, and it’s important for those taking that step to be prepared for marriage. Premarital counseling is a key component in the marriage preparation process. Do we need premarital counseling? Getting ready to be married is a busy and overwhelming time. Not only are weddings expensive, but the social strain they can cause is daunting. The couple can find themselves having more arguments over napkins, seating charts, and color schemes than they may have had in their entire dating life together. It may seem like adding one more thing to the to-do list is courting trouble. Despite it seeming like an optional extra, premarital counseling is something that every couple will benefit from. A wedding is an event that takes months to plan, but it’s over in a matter of hours. The wedding is a single day, but you have the rest of your lives to prepare for. Premarital counseling is the essential preparation that gets a couple on the same page about important aspects of their life together. It helps a couple enter their lifelong union equipped to nurture their relationship and handle the challenges that will inevitably arise. Important questions premarital counseling. Premarital counseling can happen through a spiritual leader like a pastor, and it can happen through a professional counselor. Whether online or in person, as a couple, [...]

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What to Do When Your Friends are a Toxic Couple

What to Do When Your Friends are a Toxic Couple

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:04:47+00:00April 29th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Most of us at one time or another in our lives have had that one friend that our parents warned us wouldn’t be a good influence on us. We might have brushed that off as parental paranoia, but as we grow older we begin to see the wisdom in curating our friendships. This can be true in your relationships as a couple as well. There is wisdom in these words from Paul: “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33, NIV) Our lives aren’t hermetically sealed off from the influence of others. This makes the choice of the company we keep an important one, even as a couple. What then does one do if they have friends that aren’t a positive influence? What is a toxic couple? To begin with, it’s important to define terms. The word toxic has gained a lot of traction in popular parlance over the last few years. Appended to anything, it communicates the idea that whatever it is attached to ought to be avoided at all costs because it is at best unhealthy and at worst downright dangerous. Such an understanding leads us to immediately ostracize whoever and whatever is labeled as toxic. While the term toxic may have a broad semantic range, the word will be used here to denote unhealthy patterns of thought and behavior. A toxic couple is therefore a couple that displays unhealthy patterns of thought and behavior in their relationship. Using this definition of toxic is helpful for us to become more empathetic. If we’re honest with ourselves, we all have unhealthy patterns of thought and behavior in our lives. Some of these may manifest under specific circumstances, such as when we’re stressed, or they relate to certain areas of our lives, such as at [...]

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Cultivating Healthy Family Relationships: Bible Verses About Family

Cultivating Healthy Family Relationships: Bible Verses About Family

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:05:01+00:00March 15th, 2023|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Listen to this article Family is the best of things, and yet it can sometimes be challenging. You love them, but sometimes you hate them and can’t stand to be around them. One person describes family: “Families are like branches on a tree; we grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one.” (Anonymous) Whatever you may feel about your family, whether Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the other holidays are a time you are positively giddy about time together or they are a time you dread and that brings sorrow, they are your family. It might be that thoughts of family stir up negative emotions for you because of past or present experiences. The Bible speaks honestly and realistically about families, as it does on every other subject, and it also speaks a word of hope for families. One way we can have hope of redeeming the word and concept of ‘family’ is rooted in recognizing that God has created a new family for us to be part of. Bible Verses about Family Family drama is common among Americans, as it is across the world. Everyone has a relative or two that the whole family tends to avoid, and sadly you might be that person for one reason or another. Across time, family drama is a constant, and we find many stories in the Bible that remind us of this. Instead of quoting specific Bible verses, this article will point out the stories that help portray an accurate picture of families. Where possible this will focus on a specific verse that sums up the story. From the first pages of the Bible, we find Adam and Eve playing the blame game when things go awry. The first human couple disobeys God by eating the fruit of [...]

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6 Tips for How to Help Your Children through a Difficult Season

6 Tips for How to Help Your Children through a Difficult Season

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:05:09+00:00January 31st, 2023|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured|

As parents, one of our biggest desires is to raise godly, productive members of society. We want our children to be strong, independent, God-fearing, loyal, kind, and respectful. We desire for them to stand out from the crowd, notice people who are struggling, respect authority, work hard, and grow in their relationship with Christ. We pray they save themselves for marriage, choose godly spouses, choose the best career path for their dreams, and continue to come to us for guidance and direction. The reality is that our children will struggle. They might be teased or ridiculed. They might get cut from a team or club to which they desperately want to belong. They might feel invisible. They might want to fit in. They might choose friends we would not choose for them. They might struggle in sports. They might struggle in school. They might have their heart broken by a friend or crush. They might struggle with mental health issues. They might struggle with faith. They might struggle at home. 6 Tips for How to Help Your Children Here are a few things to keep in mind to help support your children through the difficulties of their journey: 1. Don’t compare one child’s journey to another child’s journey. Just as it can be all too easy to compare our journey to those around us, it often produces unwanted pressure and negative feelings in our children. It is important not to compare one child’s journey to another child’s journey. Each child is unique and will feel and experience things differently. Sit with them in their grief. Validate what they are feeling. Get on their eye level when talking and let your heart and emotions connect with theirs. 2.Validate your children's feelings. Many adults assume that children have it easy. Some [...]

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Coping Mechanisms for Stress

Coping Mechanisms for Stress

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:05:17+00:00November 29th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Stress affects us all sometime during our lives. A stressful event like a natural disaster, sudden loss of a loved one, or a constant state of chronic stress can lead to physical ailments and mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. However, you can implement coping mechanisms for stress to manage your reactions and reduce the adverse effects. Why is stress harmful? Why are coping mechanisms for stress important? Our bodies produce an influx of hormones when confronted with a threat. Cortisol and adrenaline rise, and we can either take flight (escape) or fight (stand our ground). This stress helps us get away from predators. In today’s advanced society, we are not confronted by predators wanting to eat us. However, we still experience the same stress response when faced with what our brains conclude as threats: deadlines, bills, relationship problems, illness, work issues, trauma, and losing a loved one. Whether the stress is from sudden trauma or chronic from an ongoing situation, it takes a toll on the body. It affects your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Chronic stress can cause: High blood pressure Rapid heart rate Digestive issues Headaches Weight gain Sleep disturbances Appetite changes Lower immunity Aches and pains Anxiety Depression Mood swings Irritability It can help if you speak to your primary care physician if you believe your physical symptoms are due to stress. The doctor will perform tests to determine that your symptoms are not due to a medical condition. Once physical illness is ruled out, you may want to seek the help of a therapist to manage symptoms and adopt coping mechanisms for stress. Adding stress management activities to your daily routine will also decrease the effects of stress. Five coping mechanisms Coping mechanisms help us to adapt and manage stress. Depending on the [...]

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How a Mindful Skin Care Routine Can Improve Mental Well-being

How a Mindful Skin Care Routine Can Improve Mental Well-being

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:05:26+00:00November 24th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Women’s Issues|

A mindful skin care routine is something you do daily, preferably in the morning and evening, that helps reduce stress, encourages self-care, builds self-worth, improves social bonding, and is a lot of fun. Not only will it keep your skin healthy and protected, but it will also do wonders for your mental and emotional well-being. Your sense of worth is strengthened by a mindful skin care routine. Your self-worth may be low if you have a mental health disorder like anxiety or depression, and you might not practice self-care because you don’t believe you deserve it. If this is you, you need to know that you are valued and loved. Self-care doesn’t have to involve doing something crazy like visiting a spa resort on the beach. While those things are luxurious, realistic self-care should be small things that are part of your regular life. Even little things like washing and moisturizing your face can be incredibly calming and give your day structure. Doing these little things will help you feel productive and secure even on days when you wake up wanting to do nothing. Don’t undervalue the power of skincare to boost your sense of worth. It may seem insignificant in comparison to other facets of life but it can make a big difference. Don’t take for granted the little victories you score every day; instead, celebrate them. A conscious skin care routine can strengthen social bonds. You will feel more at ease in social situations if you love and take care of your skin. People will notice your glowing smile and skin because they will be drawn to it. When your partner notices how well you’re taking care of your skin, you might even experience a change in your relationship. Your friends will enjoy spending time with you [...]

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Dealing with Stress by Using its Strength to Take Control

Dealing with Stress by Using its Strength to Take Control

Kate Motaung2025-01-08T06:31:36+00:00August 18th, 2022|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development|

Persistent and powerful feelings of stress come from our minds. If you or someone you know is dealing with stress and anxiety, then this will ring true for you. We all react to stress in our own way, for some the contrast between choices and outcomes becomes stark, yet for others, moments of high stress bring confusion and indecision. Those dealing with stress will know that working through stress systematically and logically is sometimes like coming face-to-face with a faster, more vigilant, and more powerful side of yourself. It outwits your rationalizations, outpaces your attempts to calm down, and has the potential to make you feel helpless. How can the power of your hyper-aware mind benefit you instead of opposing you? You could have a powerful ally when things got tough. Stress and anxiety are experienced by everyone and exist in a wide range of states. Dealing with stress is part of being human and is the usual response from a healthy, capable brain that expects trouble. Our brain can flip a switch and bring out a faster, more vigilant, and more powerful side to each of us. This is good when you need its help, but it can sometimes press the “panic” button and all you can hear and think about is the siren. Having our brain make us aware of when we should feel stress is very useful, it tells us about danger and helps us out of harm’s way in a very loud and overriding manner. When our brain tells us to stress out it is an instinctual reaction, which means that it feels like it is doing its job. The more we push back against feeling stressed, the more our brain can turn up the volume to tell us there is danger and we need [...]

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Kate Motaung

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