Kate Motaung, Author at Allen Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

Tips for Getting Rid of Bitterness in Relationships

Tips for Getting Rid of Bitterness in Relationships

Jessica Gallant, Kate Motaung2025-02-21T06:58:01+00:00February 21st, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There are some hilarious content creators out there on social media. Humor is deeply subjective, but it can be endlessly fascinating to see TikToks or YouTube clips about babies tasting something like a lemon for the first time. Many find themselves puckering their lips as the first sensations of sourness tantalize their tastebuds, faces screwed up into all manner of expressions. Less hilarious, but no less powerful, is how a person reacts when certain people in their lives are mentioned or enter a room. Adults are more adept at hiding their discomfort, but there are always telltale signs that something sour, akin to a lemon, has been introduced into the mix. It might be crossed arms, or visible signs of disgust on a person’s face that alert you to what they’re feeling. Things don’t always go swimmingly in our relationships. When they don’t, one of the results is bitterness developing between people. This makes the relationship difficult to enjoy and can eventually lead to the relationship ending. The Roots of Bitterness in Relationships Feelings of resentment, anger, and bitterness can creep into any relationship. While interacting with one another, people may say and do things that elicit these feelings. That much is mostly inevitable, but what matters is what you both proceed to do after that. It’s helpful to know the sorts of behaviors and attitudes that tend to generate bitterness and resentment to avoid those, and it also helps to know how to resolve the situation. Bitterness is an expression of having been hurt in some way by someone. Bitterness is one of the emotions that alert you to what’s going on in your world; you typically experience it when things haven’t gone well. Some of these situations include the following: Being ignored or not heard If you [...]

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4 Ways to Help Children of Divorce Adjust to This New Life Transition

4 Ways to Help Children of Divorce Adjust to This New Life Transition

Kimberlyn Jaggers, Kate Motaung2025-02-19T11:55:55+00:00February 18th, 2025|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured|

Divorce is a difficult life transition for adults, but children have an even more difficult time. Divorce can be filled with unknowns and a fear of the future. Additionally, kids must split their time between parents, and parents sometimes use the time with their children to gain an advantage over the other, making the kids choose which one to love more. This puts a lot of stress and anxiety on children because they love both their parents. We must also add that parents sometimes begin dating again, and kids must acclimate to new partners and stepparents. This transition is a lot for a child, especially with school and other activities vying for their time. Although professional help might be the best way to go when helping a child cope with divorce, some children don’t want to (or can’t) afford therapy, which makes it easier for kids to suppress their emotions and carry them with them as emotional baggage throughout their formative years. Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. – Proverbs 22:6, NIV 4 Ways to Help Children of Divorce Adjust Despite all the typical transitions that transpire, there are ways parents can help children cope with divorce. Here are four ways to help children of divorce come to terms with a new chapter in their lives. Give them space Some parents, out of emotional guilt, force their kids to talk about their feelings when they’re not ready. Some kids need more time to discuss their emotions than others. If they grew up in a home where they tend to be quieter and not express their feelings freely, it will be more difficult than ever for them to talk to their parents about how they’re [...]

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5 Steps to Dealing With a Lying Teen

5 Steps to Dealing With a Lying Teen

Kimberlyn Jaggers, Kate Motaung2025-02-15T05:02:48+00:00February 17th, 2025|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Our relationship with our teenage children often gets rocky or fractured as they grow. Statistically, teens are more likely to lie or conceal the truth than any other age group, which can damage our relationship with them further. There are many reasons why our teens lie, and there are many ways we react to them, some of which will drive a distance between us and them. It takes patience and self-reflection to deal with a lying teen, but practicing some simple disciplines could be enough to mend a broken relationship with them. Why Teens Lie While we should never try to generalize teenagers, some characteristics are true of many teens that can help us understand them. Firstly, most teenagers are concerned with peer approval. It is a time in their lives when they are trying to establish their identity, almost like building a house brick by brick. Gaining the recognition and respect of people in their sphere of influence means finding a foundation for their identity, and establishing themselves in the teenage pecking order. On the other hand, teens who find themselves on the fringe of their society without community or connection are as shaped by this experience as the popular teens. Secondly, most teens are focused on establishing their independence and autonomy, which will be an important part of their adult lives. During the teen years, they might begin struggling with the tension of being part of a family unit with its own established value system and determining their own set of morals and values. Many teens will pull away when they realize that they don’t agree with the way things are done in their family. This is not necessarily a judgment or indictment of our parenting but is a common event in a teen’s life. They are [...]

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10 Bible Verses to Help You Remember Who You Are in God’s Eyes

10 Bible Verses to Help You Remember Who You Are in God’s Eyes

Jessica Gallant, Kate Motaung2025-01-11T06:11:34+00:00January 15th, 2025|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

It is human nature to be easily enticed or confused by the materialistic and fake society we live in. Unless you remember who you are in the sight of the Lord, you may live your life as a mere shadow of your true self. As the world gets increasingly fast-paced, the lines between what is real and what is false, or who is genuine and who is a pretender, have become blurred. It is easy to lose your identity in a world that is getting further away from the original description of the life God had intended for us from the time of creation. The only way to hold on to your original purpose on earth and remember who you are is to align your everyday life with biblical truth. Thankfully, you have the gift of Scripture, which paints a wonderful picture of how and why God created us and reminds His people of who they are in Him. Who do you think you are? Which answers do you give first when people ask who you are? If you’re being honest, your answers are probably one or all of the following: Your birth name. Your gender. Your marital status. Your profession. Your interests. Your family. Technically and lawfully, this is all correct. These are the characteristics that help society distinguish one person from another. This perfectly curated checklist is who you are in the eyes of the government and all those around you. However, is your legal checklist the sum of who you really are? Consider the fact that any one of those items listed up there can now be legally altered, renounced, or changed. For example, there are plenty of people who have lived half their lives using one name, then change it for one reason or another, [...]

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How to Avoid Work Burnout

How to Avoid Work Burnout

Jessica Gallant, Kate Motaung2025-01-10T05:58:45+00:00January 10th, 2025|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Professional Development|

Love it or hate it, work is one of those things that needs doing. Most of us spend a significant portion of our lives working and we do so to earn a living, which allows us to take care of our responsibilities and gives us room to enjoy things like vacations. Work can be enjoyable, but it is also often quite stressful. One of the major sources of stress in people’s lives is their work, and that stress can cause considerable damage to one’s health. One of the challenges that comes with work is the possibility of work burnout. Being able to identify when you’re on the way to burnout, and how to recover from it can help you immensely. What is work burnout? Work burnout, also known as job burnout, is a form of stress related to one’s work. When a person is burned out, they are worn out physically, mentally, and emotionally, as a response to constant stress. Some people may feel as though they are powerless and empty, or they may feel useless. The term ‘burnout’ is relatively new, coined around 1974. However, the experience described by that term is quite common, and is marked by a loss of pleasure in one’s work, a lack of motivation to get work done, and the sense of inability to do that work and complete assigned tasks. A person who is burned out or on the road to it may find themselves struggling with simple tasks or having uncharacteristically angry or irritable responses to loved ones. Some of the signs that you may have burnout or are on the way to burnout include not being able to get a good night’s rest, feeling disconnected from your work, every day feeling like a bad day, having trouble telling the days [...]

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Creating Space in Relationships: Relationship Advice for Men

Creating Space in Relationships: Relationship Advice for Men

Kate Motaung2024-12-23T09:19:38+00:00December 23rd, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

If you’re familiar with plants, you’ll know that plants need light, water, good soil, and room to grow. Of course, the amount of each they require will differ, and that’s where having a green thumb comes in. Some people, whether by instinct or experience, can give a plant exactly what it needs to flourish, or take away the things that are stunting the plant’s growth. This skill can seem uncanny for the rest of us who struggle to grow plants. When it comes to relationships, there can be a similar divide between those in the know, and the uninitiated. Some people seem to breeze through relationships. They know how to make friends easily, are amazing at giving gifts and meeting their friends’ needs, and can address conflict and resolve issues smoothly. Many hold them in high regard. It can feel like you either have it, or you don’t. As with most things, however, skills can be taught and learned. Yes, some people can grasp the lessons faster than others, but you can make decent headway with consistent application. One skill to learn in relationships is how to create space for others. Creating Space in Relationships for Others – What Is That? Creating space for others can mean several things. For one thing, it can mean creating emotional space for someone. If a person is going through things such as loss or a difficult situation, you can create emotional space for them by allowing them to process their thoughts and feelings without judging or interrupting them. You carve out time for them to express themselves. Giving someone emotional space also means taking on certain postures or attitudes as they share whatever is on their hearts. Men are often accused of wanting to rush toward fixing things. That may or may [...]

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Three Keys to a Productive Fitness Journey

Three Keys to a Productive Fitness Journey

Kate Motaung2024-11-28T06:50:52+00:00November 28th, 2024|Featured, Personal Development, Professional Development|

Exercise can do a lot of good for your physical health. It can improve your heart’s health, and it can strengthen you so that you don’t injure yourself easily, among other things. In addition to these benefits, there is a strong connection between getting good exercise and reaping the benefits of good mental and emotional health. Each year, many Americans commit themselves to becoming more fit and taking better care of their health. The bad news is that only a small percentage of those who decide to take charge of their physical health stick to it and continue on their fitness journey over the long term. There are lots of reasons why resolutions for greater fitness don’t quite stick, and there are some ways to overcome this and become consistent about your fitness. Understanding How Fitness Goals Work It’s possible to start your fitness journey with great vim and vigor, but then find yourself losing steam after a few weeks. Sometimes this happens because the goals you set are unrealistic, and you get discouraged. When you start to feel that the task you’ve set yourself is way bigger than you can reasonably accomplish, it can sap motivation. At other times, one can set a goal that may be appealing, but that in the end doesn’t tie into any deeply held personal value. Some things truly matter to us, and we are willing to fight for those things. An example of this when it comes to fitness is when you think that it would be good to have a well-defined and toned body. If that’s not something you truly believe in, it’ll be hard to follow through if after six weeks you can’t see any change. All of this leads to the point that as you set your fitness goals, [...]

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Attachment Issues in Relationships: How They Could Affect You

Attachment Issues in Relationships: How They Could Affect You

Kimberlyn Jaggers, Kate Motaung2024-12-21T09:30:29+00:00November 25th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

It’s been said that to understand where you are and where you are going, you need to look back to see where you’ve been. The person that you are today didn’t materialize out of thin air. You’ve been shaped by various experiences – the good, the bad, and the ugly - and these have contributed to how you think, act, and are in daily life. While we aren’t determined by our past, it does play a role, whether big or small, in who we are today. If you look at your current relationships with other people, a large part of how you relate to others today is shaped by past experiences that formed your expectations and posture toward relationships. A person’s ability to form emotional bonds and connections with others is referred to as “attachment.” Depending on certain formative experiences, a person may have a healthy or unhealthy attachment style. Attachment and Attachment Styles A person’s attachment style will often be shaped by the early childhood experiences they have with their parents or caregivers. These experiences, which include whether their various needs were met, consistently influence how one navigates and perceives relationships with others. What a person goes through shapes their expectations about whether it’s safe to share what you need, and if others can be trusted to understand and meet your needs. There are a few different types of attachment or attachment styles. Some attachments are secure, which describes a posture of feeling safe, supported, and comfortable with intimacy and independence when in a relationship with others. There is also an anxious-preoccupied style, describing a posture of being fearful of abandonment, which often results in seeking constant reassurance and being overly dependent on others. Then there is the dismissive-avoidant style, where one is emotionally distant and unavailable, often prioritizing [...]

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Bible Verses About Grief to Help You Express Your Loss

Bible Verses About Grief to Help You Express Your Loss

Jessica Gallant, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:11:43+00:00October 14th, 2024|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

At its heart, grief is the often-prolonged sadness we feel after a loss of some kind. Sometimes the loss is concrete, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship due to divorce or moving away, or the loss of a pregnancy, job, health, or possessions. At other times the loss may be more abstract, such as the loss of an opportunity or the death of hopes and dreams In the Bible, God invites us to draw near to Him when we are grieving, no matter the reason for our loss. He is the only one who can really understand how we feel. When dealing with grief, our emotions can be complicated. Sometimes we feel anger, betrayal, or even relief mixed in with our sadness, which can be confusing to understand. However, this is normal and quite common. We are complex creatures, able to feel two or more contradictory emotions at the same time. Think of the happiness yet sadness that can be present in certain memories and celebrations – anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc. At times it seems that there is an unspoken time limit on feeling sad, after which we are supposed to cheer up and get over it. Feelings, especially grief, have no time limit. Yet grief is something that even months or years later can sneak up on us and bring us to tears or even to our knees all over again. Processing grief is just that – a process that moves more in cycles and patterns rather than progressing through linear stages. We know the reality is we can feel and experience all these “stages” in any order at any time. Maybe they are familiar to you: shock, denial, anger, depression, and acceptance. As time passes, the intensity of our feelings [...]

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5 Reasons Why Couples Therapy Might Be Good for Your Marriage

5 Reasons Why Couples Therapy Might Be Good for Your Marriage

Caitlin Bailey, Kate Motaung2025-01-01T08:55:31+00:00September 27th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Before a couple gets married, they have dreams and visions for their marriage. Couples rarely imagine going to counseling. During the first few years of marriage, it’s easy to believe the other party will change their bad behaviors and habits simply because they love the other party. However, each of them eventually recognizes the other is not going to change. This can cause fights and quarrels, resulting in a marriage that can be difficult to restore. Every marriage has its highs and lows. Even the marriages that lasted the longest have peaks and valleys. No matter what season of life your marriage may be in, it may be good for you and your spouse to seek couples therapy. Even the best marriages have used counseling if they can’t see eye and eye on a problem or want to move forward with a healthy, thriving marriage. Therapy no longer has the stigma it once had. At one time, counseling indicated to people that something was wrong with them. However, counseling is a normal part of a thriving marriage. Every marriage can use good, biblical counseling. Here are some reasons why couples therapy might be good for your marriage: A third-party perspective If you and your spouse have difficulty agreeing on a subject, it’s good to get a third-party perspective. A third party, particularly a Christian, might help you see the situation from a different perspective. Sometimes they can give you an idea you and your spouse have not thought of before. By approaching the subject from a different perspective, it may help you resolve the issue with only a minimal amount of problem-solving required. Outside perspectives also help even the score for couples who have difficulty seeing eye to eye in conflict. Both parties may be tempted to triangulate their [...]

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Kate Motaung

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