A Grief Denied: Addressing Disenfranchised Grief
When his wife Joy died in 1960, C.S. Lewis wrote a meditative reflection on his grief. He explored, quite candidly, his doubts, anger, and bewilderment at losing his wife to cancer only three years after they married. When the collection of reflections was first published, Lewis did so under a pseudonym, N.W. Clerk, perhaps because of how deeply personal the work was, and the way he was wrestling with his faith in God. Grief is in many ways a deeply personal thing; it’s your relationship with the loved one you’re mourning, and the connection you had with them is something only you understand fully. The title of Lewis’s book is A Grief Observed; it speaks of Lewis’s journey as he remembered his wife and tried to understand the meaning of her loss. But his experiences don’t necessarily stand as a representation of what all grief looks like. While grief is already hard because it is isolating, when that loss isn’t recognized for one reason or another, it becomes even more challenging, and your mourning is dismissed. When grief is denied, it can have many negative consequences for the individual. However, it’s possible to still grieve and work through loss even when it’s not recognized by others. Examples of Disenfranchised Grief Disenfranchised grief is grief that isn’t approved of or recognized by your family, community, or society. We, meaning our culture and communities, assign value to things. Our belief systems, cognitive frameworks, and worldviews shape our values and taboos. They shape what is considered important, as well as what is considered desirable and worthy of pursuit. This applies to what ‘counts’ as a loss. Disenfranchised grief occurs when you feel you’ve experienced a loss, but the people around you don’t consider it a true loss, worthy of grief. As a [...]
