Kate Motaung

The things that make our lives worth living are the very things that make it hard to carry on when we lose them. Our friendships, our loves, the routines, habits, and people that populate our world and give it shape; these things bring light and joy into our world. When we lose them, it can feel like we’ve lost pieces of ourselves, and we find ourselves reaching out in the dark for meaning and a way back to who we were and what life once was. Grief is a reality that we all must face at some point in our lives. When we grieve, we allow ourselves to feel the fullness of the loss we’ve experienced, and by slow measures, we begin to come to terms with it. Grief, however, can be complicated and messy. It doesn’t follow any strict patterns, and one of the challenges it presents is that it doesn’t always happen after the loss has occurred. Naming Anticipatory Grief More often than not, the word ‘anticipate’ is associated with good things. You anticipate a vacation or time spent with loved ones. You anticipate your weekly or monthly cheat day to give you a break from your typical eating habits. You anticipate a wedding or some other special occasion. However, at its root, anticipation is simply about having an eye toward what is to come. Usually, it’s positive, but what’s coming down the pike might also be negative. Anticipatory grief is grief that’s related to the expected loss of a loved one. Just as we would typically call ‘grief’ the psychological and emotional process of coping with the loss of a loved one, anticipatory grief is the same kind of process, except it sets in before the loss actually occurs. There is an inevitable separation or loss [...]

Grief is a unique, nonlinear, unpredictable, off-putting emotion that can knock your seemingly steady world right off its axis. Not only is the process of dealing with grief different for each person, but each situation is unique as well, which means that your grief journey will be distinct to you. The idea that what you are going through is uncharted territory can add anxiety to an already tumultuous period of your life. Not having a map or a forecast for the future is often as unsettling as missing your departed loved one. Though dealing with grief is indeed unpredictable, there are a few common questions that seem to come up a lot during grief counseling. This is particularly true if the griever was a caregiver for the departed and is especially common in the early stages of grief. Questions that May Arise When Dealing with Grief After Caregiving Here are some of the common questions that come up during the grieving process. If you have concerns about these issues, you are not alone, and that fact on its own can help orient you and put you on a course toward healing. Did I spend enough time with them? Wondering whether you spent enough time with your loved one is a natural process of grieving. No set amount of time is considered “enough” time to be with someone you love. But practically speaking, you cannot ever spend as much time with them as you would like. Even if your loved one lives until they are a hundred years old, it’s natural to feel as if you didn’t have enough time with them. This type of question comes from the deep love you have for your loved one. While you may wish that you had had more time, remember that the [...]

Our lives have seasons, complex moments that aren’t always easy to unravel, but that may have a dominant theme. We all experience grief in its various shades, whether through bereavement and loss of a loved one, the irretrievable breakdown of significant relationships, or a long-cherished dream that doesn’t come true. Grief deeply impacts our hearts, leaving us sorrowful in the wake of the loss. The Teacher in Ecclesiastes says that, There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance – Ecclesiastes 3:1-4, NIV While grief can be debilitating, it’s part of the process of making sense of the loss encountered and learning how to live with that loss. As you walk the path of grief, you can seek out support in the form of a professional, like a grief therapist in Texas. You don’t have to walk alone in your time of crisis. Grief and Us Grief is an experience we all must reckon with at one point or another in our lives. When you experience loss, the healthy way to respond is to deal with the myriad thoughts and emotions that come up. Each person has their own way of facing the difficult emotions that loss brings. The important task is to face the pain, confusion, sadness, anger, relief, regrets, joys, and other emotions and thoughts that accompany the loss. Just as each person’s journey with grief is unique due to each person’s unique relationship with [...]

When his wife Joy died in 1960, C.S. Lewis wrote a meditative reflection on his grief. He explored, quite candidly, his doubts, anger, and bewilderment at losing his wife to cancer only three years after they married. When the collection of reflections was first published, Lewis did so under a pseudonym, N.W. Clerk, perhaps because of how deeply personal the work was, and the way he was wrestling with his faith in God. Grief is in many ways a deeply personal thing; it’s your relationship with the loved one you’re mourning, and the connection you had with them is something only you understand fully. The title of Lewis’s book is A Grief Observed; it speaks of Lewis’s journey as he remembered his wife and tried to understand the meaning of her loss. But his experiences don’t necessarily stand as a representation of what all grief looks like. While grief is already hard because it is isolating, when that loss isn’t recognized for one reason or another, it becomes even more challenging, and your mourning is dismissed. When grief is denied, it can have many negative consequences for the individual. However, it’s possible to still grieve and work through loss even when it’s not recognized by others. Examples of Disenfranchised Grief Disenfranchised grief is grief that isn’t approved of or recognized by your family, community, or society. We, meaning our culture and communities, assign value to things. Our belief systems, cognitive frameworks, and worldviews shape our values and taboos. They shape what is considered important, as well as what is considered desirable and worthy of pursuit. This applies to what ‘counts’ as a loss. Disenfranchised grief occurs when you feel you’ve experienced a loss, but the people around you don’t consider it a true loss, worthy of grief. As a [...]