Ordinary Things That Feel Harder in Grief

Grief changes everything. No one can prepare you for how you will feel or how you will struggle with the ordinary things that are just part of everyday life. A big part of processing grief is giving yourself the time and grace to deal with the changes.

Things That Feel Harder in Grief

Housework Why on earth are we cleaning and doing laundry when our world has changed forever? Grief tends to keep our thoughts fixed on questions like “How am I going to cope?” and “What happens now?” It can be so hard to carry on with the chores and tasks that were never exciting to do in the first place.

You might end up feeling guilty or anxious for letting things slide, but you won’t be stuck in this mode forever. For now, some things can be left for a helpful friend or relative to do.

Personal Hygiene In a similar vein, you might find that you just don’t have the energy to shower and look your best. In grief, ordinary things often feel hollow, pointless, and difficult. You would indeed feel better if you showered and wore fresh clothes, but it’s a common experience for many people to struggle in this area as they grieve.

Personal Admin If you find yourself simply staring at the screen as you try to compose a reply to an email, then you are having a normal experience of grief. The messages and correspondence will pile up and go unanswered, and not everyone will realize how difficult it is for you to stay in touch. You might benefit from having a friend or loved one help you with some of the more important admin, like paying bills or canceling unnecessary subscriptions.

Listening to Music .and Watching Movies Films suddenly feel too long, and what happens if you hear a song that holds bittersweet memories for you now? You might feel frustrated that you seem unable to enjoy mindless entertainment anymore. There might be media that will forever be different for you now, but there will come a time when you can switch off and enjoy something light-hearted again.

Small Talk and Social Niceties You might want to spend time with friends, doing “normal” things again, but you find yourself exhausted or short-tempered as you go out. You might not be able to handle big groups or busy locations for a bit.

In your grief, you may find that your capacity for politeness and manners is at an all-time low because a fair amount of socializing requires people to wear masks and act in certain ways. Rejoin the social current only when you feel ready, and in the meantime, try to spend quality time with people with whom you can be your unfiltered self.

Physical Health and Diet If you find yourself binging on food or completely unable to eat, this is not unusual. You might be letting gym visits and workouts slide, too. Eating well and exercising will help you, but it’s okay to let it slide for a bit.

Making Decisions Grief is overwhelming. If you feel paralyzed and unable to make plans or move on, that is completely natural. Every decision, from the mundane to the monumental, just feels impossible in grief. Focus on doing what you can and ask for help with what you can’t manage.

Seeing Happy People You know you ought to feel happy for others, but right now, you just don’t have the capacity for that. This is okay. You can’t help but be reminded of your loss all the time in grief, and some of the emotions in grief can feel selfish, messy, and ugly. Unfortunately, they won’t go away if you pretend they’re not there. The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to try and avoid triggering situations and to acknowledge your emotions as they appear.

You’re not doing anything wrong because these things feel hard right now. There will be a point where you can resume your old routine and feel more yourself again. Until that happens, practice getting through one day at a time and allowing yourself plenty of space to relax.

Sometimes, it helps to talk to someone about your experiences. If you feel like you have exhausted your friends and confidantes with your sharing, you could consider talking with a counselor. Counselors provide confidential, non-judgmental spaces for people to find emotional support and understanding. If you would like more information, please get in touch with us by phone or email.