Wade Van Staden, Author at Allen Christian Counseling

About Wade Van Staden

As a native of Zimbabwe, Africa I have always used what I have to help where and whomever I can. I became a certified counselor immediately after leaving school, and have worked in charities, missions, and community projects and churches ever since. I have worked with pre-teens, young adults, married couples, and the elderly. My hope is always that people know someone is there to walk next to them.I’ve had my fair share of mental health issues too, experiencing total burnout by the age of 24. As a result, I am passionate about helping people find their boundaries and establish habits that will boost their mental health.I started working online during the pandemic, teaching English to refugees around the globe, in hopes that they can find work. I believe that it doesn’t take much to make a lasting impact, and sometimes all people need is to know someone sees and hears them.I love being outdoors, tending to my 200 house plants, and having movie marathons with friends in my free time.

The Physical Effects of Infidelity

The Physical Effects of Infidelity

Wade Van Staden2026-06-25T05:44:35+00:00June 25th, 2026|Couples Counseling, Featured, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Infidelity has measurable real-life consequences for marriages, relationships, and families, but it also affects people’s brain chemistry and physical health. A vital aspect of navigating infidelity is self-care. That can look like taking care of your emotional health as well as your physical health. Let’s consider some of the physical effects of infidelity, along with things you can do to look after yourself. The Physical Effects of Infidelity Exhaustion It is physically tiring to go through emotional trauma. We are complex beings, and everything is connected. The arguments you may have had, the fights with your partner, and even the thoughts and moments you replay in your head all have physical effects on your body. It’s not always easy or even possible to slow down. Life doesn’t stop as much as you wish it would. However, you must try to slow down, breathe deeply, and be gentle with yourself. Remember that exhaustion has not only to do with sleep but with the physical sensation of your mind, body, and emotions working overtime. Disturbed Sleep One of the most obvious reasons that you experience exhaustion while processing betrayal is that your sleep patterns are affected. The body has an unhelpful habit of bringing all the busiest and most intense feelings and thoughts to the forefront of our minds late at night. You might even find yourself sleeping restlessly and having emotional dreams when you do manage to fall asleep. There are a few things that might help you regain your sleep patterns. Try to eliminate screen time past 9 pm. The blue light from screens disrupts brain chemistry, and scrolling social media or going through old messages simply adds to the emotional turmoil before bed. Having a relaxing bath before bed, expressing your thoughts in a journal entry, and doing [...]

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Complicated Grief and the Things Grievers Think

Complicated Grief and the Things Grievers Think

Wade Van Staden2025-11-01T11:37:36+00:00April 3rd, 2025|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Over the years, people have tried their best to understand the grief process, even boiling it down to five common stages. Those who have grieved or are in the middle of grieving will tell you that grief is a complicated, messy, and often overwhelming mix of emotions and thoughts. Grief is a deeply personal journey for anyone to take, and it can be difficult to know if what we are thinking and feeling during grief is normal or even healthy. Grievers often think things that would sound awful to confess, but it is only when we honestly grapple with our thoughts in grief that we can begin to find release from some of the heavier emotions. Christian Counseling Allen can provide a supportive space for this healing process. The Things People Think During Complicated Grief A large part of the grief process is having to untangle our thoughts from our emotions. Behind almost every thought or statement we make is an emotion and an experience. It might not always be safe or easy to express our thoughts, but many other people have, and their honesty can help us in our grief process. Here are some thoughts that many grievers have, and the emotions behind the thoughts: “I resent that other people still have both their parents” Jealousy, bitterness, and resentment are common emotions to experience in grief. They can result in additional feelings of guilt or anger. Feeling resentful of the fact that we have lost a loved one while other people haven’t might sound illogical, cruel, or petty to express, but it is a common experience. We don’t have to express these thoughts, and they will eventually pass. A healthy way of coping with them is to first acknowledge them and then lean into the memory of our [...]

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Dealing with Negative Emotions and Avoiding Toxic Positivity

Dealing with Negative Emotions and Avoiding Toxic Positivity

Wade Van Staden2024-10-25T08:50:14+00:00October 16th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Everyone has times when they feel depressed, angry, outraged, or bitter. Some of us may have been taught that such emotions are negative because they do not produce anything healthy or positive. This can lead us to pretend that we are more emotionally robust than we feel, and we might expect others to adopt the same attitude. This is called toxic positivity. The roots of emotions Every emotion has a root. Sometimes that root is an event we went through. For example, we might feel anxiety around men because we experienced sexual assault in the past. Even if the event happened in childhood, it could result in real emotions in our adult lives. If we were to dismiss that anxiety as negative and try to be more positive and trusting, not only would it be ignoring a problem that is still in us, but it might also put us into a vulnerable situation. Just as a tree cannot be killed by picking off its leaves, we do not heal by ignoring our emotions, even the ones that make us (or others) uncomfortable. What is toxic positivity? Simply put, toxic positivity is the pressure to always remain upbeat. We hear it in phrases like, “Just get over it,” or “I’ll be fine – it’s nothing.” Sometimes it can even lurk in genuine encouragement. “Think happy thoughts,” and “look on the bright side” seem like they would be helpful, but they invalidate feelings and minimize a genuine trial. Scriptures and Bible verses are regularly taken out of context and used as weapons of toxic positivity. The irony of this is that God sees past our pretenses. He sees the root of our pain and struggle. He made us as emotionally complex as we are, and He is delighted to walk the [...]

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3 Signs That You Might Be in a Codependent Relationship

3 Signs That You Might Be in a Codependent Relationship

Wade Van Staden2025-05-02T10:33:32+00:00August 20th, 2024|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Listen to this article It is healthy to trust in and rely on certain people for some things. Where would we be without the advice from a parent, the boost of confidence from an encouraging friend, or the affection from a devoted loved one? Sometimes, though, these connections become unhealthy and without even realizing it, we might find ourselves in a codependent relationship. Codependency is a dynamic that can exist in many different types of relationships, including parental, romantic, friendship, and even professional. Simply put, it is where one person dedicates themselves to being a giver, and the other person takes on the subconscious role of the receiver or enabler. The term codependency originated in Alcoholics Anonymous and was originally used to describe a particular type of addictive behavior. Being codependent is like having a relationship addiction, where someone derives their confidence, identity, and purpose in being needed or being taken care of by someone. Givers and takers In any relationship, there are seasons where one person might rely a little more heavily on the other for whatever reason. This is normal and healthy provided it is not prolonged. For example, if we become unemployed, our mental health will likely dip, and we might have to practically and emotionally rely on a parent, friend, or lover to help us navigate that chapter of our lives. This could last anywhere from a few weeks to a year, but the support we receive from our loved ones should spur us forward, not trap us. The roles in codependent relationships are more static. The receiver is constantly being helped while the giver drains their resources to do so. The giver derives a sense of purpose from being devoted to the receiver, and of course, the receiver gets their [...]

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Wade Van Staden

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