Wade Van Staden, Author at Allen Christian Counseling

About Wade Van Staden

As a native of Zimbabwe, Africa I have always used what I have to help where and whomever I can. I became a certified counselor immediately after leaving school, and have worked in charities, missions, and community projects and churches ever since. I have worked with pre-teens, young adults, married couples, and the elderly. My hope is always that people know someone is there to walk next to them.I’ve had my fair share of mental health issues too, experiencing total burnout by the age of 24. As a result, I am passionate about helping people find their boundaries and establish habits that will boost their mental health.I started working online during the pandemic, teaching English to refugees around the globe, in hopes that they can find work. I believe that it doesn’t take much to make a lasting impact, and sometimes all people need is to know someone sees and hears them.I love being outdoors, tending to my 200 house plants, and having movie marathons with friends in my free time.

The Simplest Ways to Improve Mental Health

The Simplest Ways to Improve Mental Health

Wade Van Staden2026-10-22T07:15:50+00:00October 22nd, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Your mental health is what gets you through each day of your life. When you have good mental health, life is a little easier to navigate, even through the difficult seasons. When your mental health suffers, even the smallest of tasks feels like an impossible hurdle, and the quality of your life rapidly deteriorates. There are ways to improve mental health so that even in your darkest hours, you can deal with the chaos and uncertainty. You don’t have to wait for the situation to change, or for things to get easier. Right in the middle of your struggles, you can develop healthy routines and build mental and emotional stamina. The smallest effort can make the biggest change. Simple Ways to Improve Mental Health If you have spent time trying to get physically healthy, you will know that it takes a lot of effort in a few different areas of life. You must monitor your diet and calorie intake, ensure that you get enough sleep, and do the right types and amounts of exercise. You must stay hydrated, be regular in your routines, and you must know when to rest. There is a lot involved in being physically healthy. All of that effort will pay off in terms of your mental health because the mind and the body are connected. What happens in your body affects your mind and emotions, and vice versa. When you consider ways to improve mental health, though, remember that it doesn’t take as much effort to stay mentally and emotionally healthy. There are many ways that you can improve your mental health, but simply doing three things regularly will have a profound impact. 1. Go outside every day This tip is directly related to your physical health. Each time you move your body, raise [...]

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What Unhealed Trauma Looks Like

What Unhealed Trauma Looks Like

Wade Van Staden2026-07-24T10:17:58+00:00July 23rd, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Unhealed trauma can affect every area of our lives, whether we are aware of it or not. Many of us deal with trauma by compartmentalizing our lives or repressing our symptoms. This can make it appear like we are coping and moving forward when we might still be affected by events or experiences in our past. We might not have described certain experiences as “traumatic” as they were happening, but years later, we might start connecting the dots between our present state and a past event. Healing certain trauma might take years of work, but the least any of us can do is to observe the potential symptoms of trauma in our lives and begin tracing them back to their source. When we can confront and begin unpacking trauma, we have already begun the process of healing it. Unhealed Trauma and Behavior A person’s mannerisms, routines, and moods tell a lot about them. Most people have a certain predictability about them, and the people who know them best know what to expect from them. If our behavior starts changing, this could show unhealed trauma coming to the surface. For example, someone might become suddenly reclusive, pulling away from friends and social events. They might become short-tempered or start having mood swings. Behavior like this will affect their friends and loved ones, and most certainly is a sign of something not being dealt with. Unhealed Trauma and Emotions Unhealed trauma most commonly comes to the surface in the context of intimate relationships. We might have successfully repressed our emotional response to a traumatic event, but something about intimacy begins triggering it. We might feel numb, anxious, and on edge, or we might become insecure and terrified of abandonment. Intimacy tends to bring us face-to-face with our unhealed trauma, and many people [...]

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Ordinary Things That Feel Harder in Grief

Ordinary Things That Feel Harder in Grief

Wade Van Staden2026-07-24T10:25:09+00:00July 16th, 2026|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Grief changes everything. No one can prepare you for how you will feel or how you will struggle with the ordinary things that are just part of everyday life. A big part of processing grief is giving yourself the time and grace to deal with the changes. Things That Feel Harder in Grief Housework Why on earth are we cleaning and doing laundry when our world has changed forever? Grief tends to keep our thoughts fixed on questions like “How am I going to cope?” and “What happens now?” It can be so hard to carry on with the chores and tasks that were never exciting to do in the first place. You might end up feeling guilty or anxious for letting things slide, but you won’t be stuck in this mode forever. For now, some things can be left for a helpful friend or relative to do. Personal Hygiene In a similar vein, you might find that you just don’t have the energy to shower and look your best. In grief, ordinary things often feel hollow, pointless, and difficult. You would indeed feel better if you showered and wore fresh clothes, but it’s a common experience for many people to struggle in this area as they grieve. Personal Admin If you find yourself simply staring at the screen as you try to compose a reply to an email, then you are having a normal experience of grief. The messages and correspondence will pile up and go unanswered, and not everyone will realize how difficult it is for you to stay in touch. You might benefit from having a friend or loved one help you with some of the more important admin, like paying bills or canceling unnecessary subscriptions. Listening to Music .and Watching Movies Films suddenly feel too [...]

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The Physical Effects of Infidelity

The Physical Effects of Infidelity

Wade Van Staden2026-06-25T05:44:35+00:00June 25th, 2026|Couples Counseling, Featured, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Infidelity has measurable real-life consequences for marriages, relationships, and families, but it also affects people’s brain chemistry and physical health. A vital aspect of navigating infidelity is self-care. That can look like taking care of your emotional health as well as your physical health. Let’s consider some of the physical effects of infidelity, along with things you can do to look after yourself. The Physical Effects of Infidelity Exhaustion It is physically tiring to go through emotional trauma. We are complex beings, and everything is connected. The arguments you may have had, the fights with your partner, and even the thoughts and moments you replay in your head all have physical effects on your body. It’s not always easy or even possible to slow down. Life doesn’t stop as much as you wish it would. However, you must try to slow down, breathe deeply, and be gentle with yourself. Remember that exhaustion has not only to do with sleep but with the physical sensation of your mind, body, and emotions working overtime. Disturbed Sleep One of the most obvious reasons that you experience exhaustion while processing betrayal is that your sleep patterns are affected. The body has an unhelpful habit of bringing all the busiest and most intense feelings and thoughts to the forefront of our minds late at night. You might even find yourself sleeping restlessly and having emotional dreams when you do manage to fall asleep. There are a few things that might help you regain your sleep patterns. Try to eliminate screen time past 9 pm. The blue light from screens disrupts brain chemistry, and scrolling social media or going through old messages simply adds to the emotional turmoil before bed. Having a relaxing bath before bed, expressing your thoughts in a journal entry, and doing [...]

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Complicated Grief and the Things Grievers Think

Complicated Grief and the Things Grievers Think

Wade Van Staden2025-11-01T11:37:36+00:00April 3rd, 2025|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Over the years, people have tried their best to understand the grief process, even boiling it down to five common stages. Those who have grieved or are in the middle of grieving will tell you that grief is a complicated, messy, and often overwhelming mix of emotions and thoughts. Grief is a deeply personal journey for anyone to take, and it can be difficult to know if what we are thinking and feeling during grief is normal or even healthy. Grievers often think things that would sound awful to confess, but it is only when we honestly grapple with our thoughts in grief that we can begin to find release from some of the heavier emotions. Christian Counseling Allen can provide a supportive space for this healing process. The Things People Think During Complicated Grief A large part of the grief process is having to untangle our thoughts from our emotions. Behind almost every thought or statement we make is an emotion and an experience. It might not always be safe or easy to express our thoughts, but many other people have, and their honesty can help us in our grief process. Here are some thoughts that many grievers have, and the emotions behind the thoughts: “I resent that other people still have both their parents” Jealousy, bitterness, and resentment are common emotions to experience in grief. They can result in additional feelings of guilt or anger. Feeling resentful of the fact that we have lost a loved one while other people haven’t might sound illogical, cruel, or petty to express, but it is a common experience. We don’t have to express these thoughts, and they will eventually pass. A healthy way of coping with them is to first acknowledge them and then lean into the memory of our [...]

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Dealing with Negative Emotions and Avoiding Toxic Positivity

Dealing with Negative Emotions and Avoiding Toxic Positivity

Wade Van Staden2024-10-25T08:50:14+00:00October 16th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Everyone has times when they feel depressed, angry, outraged, or bitter. Some of us may have been taught that such emotions are negative because they do not produce anything healthy or positive. This can lead us to pretend that we are more emotionally robust than we feel, and we might expect others to adopt the same attitude. This is called toxic positivity. The roots of emotions Every emotion has a root. Sometimes that root is an event we went through. For example, we might feel anxiety around men because we experienced sexual assault in the past. Even if the event happened in childhood, it could result in real emotions in our adult lives. If we were to dismiss that anxiety as negative and try to be more positive and trusting, not only would it be ignoring a problem that is still in us, but it might also put us into a vulnerable situation. Just as a tree cannot be killed by picking off its leaves, we do not heal by ignoring our emotions, even the ones that make us (or others) uncomfortable. What is toxic positivity? Simply put, toxic positivity is the pressure to always remain upbeat. We hear it in phrases like, “Just get over it,” or “I’ll be fine – it’s nothing.” Sometimes it can even lurk in genuine encouragement. “Think happy thoughts,” and “look on the bright side” seem like they would be helpful, but they invalidate feelings and minimize a genuine trial. Scriptures and Bible verses are regularly taken out of context and used as weapons of toxic positivity. The irony of this is that God sees past our pretenses. He sees the root of our pain and struggle. He made us as emotionally complex as we are, and He is delighted to walk the [...]

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3 Signs That You Might Be in a Codependent Relationship

3 Signs That You Might Be in a Codependent Relationship

Wade Van Staden2025-05-02T10:33:32+00:00August 20th, 2024|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Listen to this article It is healthy to trust in and rely on certain people for some things. Where would we be without the advice from a parent, the boost of confidence from an encouraging friend, or the affection from a devoted loved one? Sometimes, though, these connections become unhealthy and without even realizing it, we might find ourselves in a codependent relationship. Codependency is a dynamic that can exist in many different types of relationships, including parental, romantic, friendship, and even professional. Simply put, it is where one person dedicates themselves to being a giver, and the other person takes on the subconscious role of the receiver or enabler. The term codependency originated in Alcoholics Anonymous and was originally used to describe a particular type of addictive behavior. Being codependent is like having a relationship addiction, where someone derives their confidence, identity, and purpose in being needed or being taken care of by someone. Givers and takers In any relationship, there are seasons where one person might rely a little more heavily on the other for whatever reason. This is normal and healthy provided it is not prolonged. For example, if we become unemployed, our mental health will likely dip, and we might have to practically and emotionally rely on a parent, friend, or lover to help us navigate that chapter of our lives. This could last anywhere from a few weeks to a year, but the support we receive from our loved ones should spur us forward, not trap us. The roles in codependent relationships are more static. The receiver is constantly being helped while the giver drains their resources to do so. The giver derives a sense of purpose from being devoted to the receiver, and of course, the receiver gets their [...]

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Wade Van Staden

About Wade Van Staden

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