Kate Motaung, Author at Allen Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

Attachment Issues in Relationships: How They Could Affect You

Attachment Issues in Relationships: How They Could Affect You

Kimberlyn Jaggers, Kate Motaung2024-12-21T09:30:29+00:00November 25th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

It’s been said that to understand where you are and where you are going, you need to look back to see where you’ve been. The person that you are today didn’t materialize out of thin air. You’ve been shaped by various experiences – the good, the bad, and the ugly - and these have contributed to how you think, act, and are in daily life. While we aren’t determined by our past, it does play a role, whether big or small, in who we are today. If you look at your current relationships with other people, a large part of how you relate to others today is shaped by past experiences that formed your expectations and posture toward relationships. A person’s ability to form emotional bonds and connections with others is referred to as “attachment.” Depending on certain formative experiences, a person may have a healthy or unhealthy attachment style. Attachment and Attachment Styles A person’s attachment style will often be shaped by the early childhood experiences they have with their parents or caregivers. These experiences, which include whether their various needs were met, consistently influence how one navigates and perceives relationships with others. What a person goes through shapes their expectations about whether it’s safe to share what you need, and if others can be trusted to understand and meet your needs. There are a few different types of attachment or attachment styles. Some attachments are secure, which describes a posture of feeling safe, supported, and comfortable with intimacy and independence when in a relationship with others. There is also an anxious-preoccupied style, describing a posture of being fearful of abandonment, which often results in seeking constant reassurance and being overly dependent on others. Then there is the dismissive-avoidant style, where one is emotionally distant and unavailable, often prioritizing [...]

Comments Off

Bible Verses About Grief to Help You Express Your Loss

Bible Verses About Grief to Help You Express Your Loss

Jessica Gallant, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:11:43+00:00October 14th, 2024|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

At its heart, grief is the often-prolonged sadness we feel after a loss of some kind. Sometimes the loss is concrete, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship due to divorce or moving away, or the loss of a pregnancy, job, health, or possessions. At other times the loss may be more abstract, such as the loss of an opportunity or the death of hopes and dreams In the Bible, God invites us to draw near to Him when we are grieving, no matter the reason for our loss. He is the only one who can really understand how we feel. When dealing with grief, our emotions can be complicated. Sometimes we feel anger, betrayal, or even relief mixed in with our sadness, which can be confusing to understand. However, this is normal and quite common. We are complex creatures, able to feel two or more contradictory emotions at the same time. Think of the happiness yet sadness that can be present in certain memories and celebrations – anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc. At times it seems that there is an unspoken time limit on feeling sad, after which we are supposed to cheer up and get over it. Feelings, especially grief, have no time limit. Yet grief is something that even months or years later can sneak up on us and bring us to tears or even to our knees all over again. Processing grief is just that – a process that moves more in cycles and patterns rather than progressing through linear stages. We know the reality is we can feel and experience all these “stages” in any order at any time. Maybe they are familiar to you: shock, denial, anger, depression, and acceptance. As time passes, the intensity of our feelings [...]

Comments Off

5 Reasons Why Couples Therapy Might Be Good for Your Marriage

5 Reasons Why Couples Therapy Might Be Good for Your Marriage

Caitlin Bailey, Kate Motaung2025-01-01T08:55:31+00:00September 27th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Before a couple gets married, they have dreams and visions for their marriage. Couples rarely imagine going to counseling. During the first few years of marriage, it’s easy to believe the other party will change their bad behaviors and habits simply because they love the other party. However, each of them eventually recognizes the other is not going to change. This can cause fights and quarrels, resulting in a marriage that can be difficult to restore. Every marriage has its highs and lows. Even the marriages that lasted the longest have peaks and valleys. No matter what season of life your marriage may be in, it may be good for you and your spouse to seek couples therapy. Even the best marriages have used counseling if they can’t see eye and eye on a problem or want to move forward with a healthy, thriving marriage. Therapy no longer has the stigma it once had. At one time, counseling indicated to people that something was wrong with them. However, counseling is a normal part of a thriving marriage. Every marriage can use good, biblical counseling. Here are some reasons why couples therapy might be good for your marriage: A third-party perspective If you and your spouse have difficulty agreeing on a subject, it’s good to get a third-party perspective. A third party, particularly a Christian, might help you see the situation from a different perspective. Sometimes they can give you an idea you and your spouse have not thought of before. By approaching the subject from a different perspective, it may help you resolve the issue with only a minimal amount of problem-solving required. Outside perspectives also help even the score for couples who have difficulty seeing eye to eye in conflict. Both parties may be tempted to triangulate their [...]

Comments Off

How to Handle Insecurities in a Relationship

How to Handle Insecurities in a Relationship

Kimberlyn Jaggers, Kate Motaung2024-12-21T09:45:56+00:00September 16th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Finding a person who qualifies to become your significant other can be a feat in and of itself. Someone once said that the world of 21st-century dating and relationships is an extreme sport. As you come to that relationship, whether through a dating app, a blind date, or a meet-up at a coffee shop, you bring everything that you are, both the good and the bad, into the relationship. The good thing about healthy and secure relationships is that we can entrust ourselves to our partners, warts and all. If we are primed to give and receive love, we can be vulnerable and open about our weaknesses. However, if you feel insecure in a relationship, you may be hesitant to divulge your weaknesses, and you aren’t able to enjoy the relationship because you’re constantly on edge. Being able to handle your own and each other’s insecurities in a relationship can help you be at peace and flourish as a couple. What are insecurities? The term insecurity can cover a broad range of thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors that indicate uncertainty and a lack of confidence. Sometimes, our insecurities are about the relationship itself, such as when we’re not sure that the person we’re with is right for us. At other times, our insecurities are more about ourselves than they are about the other person. For instance, when you’re not sure if you are the right person to be in this relationship. The motivational speaker Tony Robbins says: “Relationship insecurity means you’re unsure and unconfident about your relationship. It’s a deep belief that you just aren’t good enough for your partner, that you don’t deserve love, or one of many other limiting beliefs that cause you to feel anxious. You may doubt your value and have a low sense of [...]

Comments Off

How to Effectively Overcome a Negative Body Image

How to Effectively Overcome a Negative Body Image

Kimberlyn Jaggers, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:13:04+00:00August 21st, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

A few millennia ago, a wise person wrote “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23, NIV). Inside the culture from which this proverb emerged, your heart was the seat of your desires, your will, your emotions, and the source of your actions. In other words, your heart is what makes you who you are, and you need to guard what goes into and influences it because it can determine the course of your life. We are constantly bombarded with messages about who we are and what makes us valuable. Through social media, interactions with friends, movies, and music, and through magazines and legacy media, our tastes, worldviews, interests, and passions are shaped. This is to say nothing of how our family, friends, and the culture we are embedded in work the same way to shape who we are. These various influences and our life experiences can combine to help us form a healthy view of ourselves, but they can also conspire to create an unhealthy or negative view of our bodies and ourselves. Understanding body image Body image relates to the feelings, thoughts, attitudes, and experiences of your own body. We can appreciate our bodies, but we can also have a negative attitude toward them. Any number of influences from your life experience and the culture in which you’re embedded can shape your body image. In the U.S., most of our media portray the standard of beauty in a certain way. If you accept that standard, it can lead to dissatisfaction with who you are, or pressure to maintain a certain feature. A negative body image emerges when you dislike your body (or parts of it) and you have a negative attitude toward yourself and your body’s capabilities. A person’s body [...]

Comments Off

How to Take Every Thought Captive: Two Aspects to Consider

How to Take Every Thought Captive: Two Aspects to Consider

Kimberlyn Jaggers, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:13:18+00:00August 12th, 2024|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. – 2 Corinthians 10:5, ESV What does this mean? The Message paraphrase provides some insight: The world is unprincipled. It’s dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fairly. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way – never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity. – 2 Corinthians 10:3-6, The Message According to the Message’s author, Eugene Peterson, we take every thought captive by weighing, “every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.” We encounter hundreds (if not thousands) of thoughts in a day. From the moment we wake up we are bombarded with ideas, thoughts, concerns, and choices. Even before we open our eyes the litany of thoughts in our head can be overwhelming. It can feel unmanageable, but we are not without hope. We have all seen the turnstiles used to let people onto the subway. People swipe their cards or pay the fee, and they are let in. What if someone tries to slip through without paying or whose card has expired? The turnstiles don’t work. Taking our thoughts captive is like letting each thought pass through a turnstile. If it is good, beneficial, [...]

Comments Off

Graced for Growth: Tools for Spiritual and Personal Development

Graced for Growth: Tools for Spiritual and Personal Development

Kimberlyn Jaggers, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:13:32+00:00June 27th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

In distinct parts of youth and childhood, we experience what many know as growing pains. Bones and bodies shift. Cells multiply, making room under the skin’s surface for what isn’t yet seen. Our adult lives mirror a similar process. Personal and spiritual development hinge on our willingness to engage in intentional goal-setting as well as the ability to respond with flexibility to inevitable life change. Life stretches us where we may be skilled, while also strengthening us in areas of weakness. Human errors color, shade, and highlight parts of our journey, revealing what needs attention and alignment with God’s ultimate purpose. Our mistakes not only make for a more intriguing life landscape but also create a wealth of life lessons for both personal and spiritual development. Missteps provide us with opportunities to learn, love, and live forward with the God who has created, chosen, and called us to life with Him. When we leave room for grace amid flaws and failures, we can encounter God’s greatness and strength even more than what we imagined possible on our own (2 Corinthians 12:9; Philippians 4:13). Self-talk For us to see and secure the vision that God has concerning our personal and spiritual development, we must rescript our self-talk to align with Jesus, the Word of God (John 1:1). The Bible articulates the Truth we need for abundant living. When we interact with God’s Word as a living force, it awakens parts of us that need to come alive to the spiritual blessings and soul benefits that the Gospel has made available (Hebrews 4:12). With the Word of God, we deconstruct the negative thoughts and limiting beliefs that our enemy craftily uses to poison thoughts, feelings, and actions. We can better demolish arguments and pretensions that set themselves up against the knowledge [...]

Comments Off

7 Common Signs of Depression in Children

7 Common Signs of Depression in Children

Kimberlyn Jaggers, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:13:49+00:00May 27th, 2024|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Depression, Family Counseling, Featured|

Depression is a common mental health condition in adults, yet as many as 2.7 million children were diagnosed with depression between 2016 and 2019, according to the CDC. These were the statistics before the pandemic. Since the pandemic, isolation, and lockdowns, the number of cases of depression in children may have doubled, according to a review in JAMA Pediatrics. It is usual for children, like adults, to feel down from time to time. However, depression can last for weeks or months. If your child shows symptoms and behavioral changes for two weeks, contact a medical professional for an assessment. Would you recognize the signs of depression in children? As a parent or guardian, you will do anything to protect your children. Learn the common signs of depression in children and how you can help them. Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. – Psalms 127:3, NLT Common signs of depression in children When our children hurt, we hurt. It pains us to see them behaving contrary to their true selves. Several causes of depression in children include problems at school or home, bullying, feeling overwhelmed, grief or loss, trauma, chemical imbalances, family history of depression, and social comparison. Whatever the reason, the symptoms are often the same. Eating too much or too little Rapid weight loss or gain is a sure sign that something is wrong. Have you noticed that your child is eating more than usual or skipping meals entirely? Sometimes children will use food for comfort during depression as they might feel an emptiness in their hearts, a new sensation for them. They long to fill that empty hole. Conversely, they may not feel up to eating and only pretend to eat at mealtimes. Be aware that other mental health conditions [...]

Comments Off

Freedom for Your Future: Releasing Past Trauma and Finding Support for PTSD

Freedom for Your Future: Releasing Past Trauma and Finding Support for PTSD

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:03:45+00:00May 14th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Trauma, as described by the American Psychological Association (APA), is an “emotional response to a terrible event.” It can be personal in nature, such as an individual incident of assault or abuse. In other situations, trauma can be experienced on a broader scale, among a subset of people such as combat soldiers. Yet, in other circumstances, its impacts may be experienced by a larger population who encountered a natural disaster. Everyone who lived through similar circumstances may share parts of an experience, but may not process it the same way. Effects of past trauma While many don’t experience lingering effects, there are multiple others whose past trauma retains present impacts. The way that we process such horrific experiences is referred to as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). While there is a combination of symptoms that can present in both sleeping and waking moments, PTSD is often characterized by reliving the “trauma in painful recollections, flashbacks, or recurrent dreams or nightmares.” (APA) PTSD can affect our cognition and memory, causing disrupted concentration, memory blockages, and blackouts. Another expression is that it can produce an exaggerated startle response or sensitivity to other stimuli that trigger or catapults individuals to the time and place where the original trauma occurred. Looking deeper at trauma This is the work of the adversary who initiated a subtle assault in a garden long ago. Satan plays on our vulnerabilities in our weakest states. He doesn’t play fair, waiting until we’ve healed our trauma wounds or had a chance to grieve and properly process our losses. He plants suggestions that we tend and cultivate. When those seeds grow viral, they explode into a tangle of vines that tether us to the past. We don’t often address intrusive thoughts to bring under subjection, but rather they subdue and seek [...]

Comments Off

The Landscape of Loss: Navigating Grief and Transition

The Landscape of Loss: Navigating Grief and Transition

Kimberlyn Jaggers, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:14:06+00:00May 6th, 2024|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

The experience of loss forever shifts the landscape of our lives. Without question, grief changes things. Sometimes, it changes everything, including us. It is important to embrace the reality that the life we once knew before death or loss simply won’t be the same. But what we identify as a single major change in life impacts many areas that have compound effects, in the seen and unseen, in what is felt as well as the imperceptible.Death as disruptionThe rhythms we became accustomed to, even those that may have irritated us from time to time, were predictable, familiar, and known to us. When disrupted, the change and transitions associated with adjustment can make us feel unsafe, as if our entire world is crumbling. Death is part of the life cycle, and we simply want to buffer ourselves from the sting and sharp edges of loss.Even in this, we must allow ourselves to feel what we’re feeling to process what we’d rather escape. Though it may be excruciatingly painful, beauty can emerge from death’s ashes.The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners...and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. – Isaiah 61:1,3, NIVThe evidence of Jesus’ resurrection provides the best evidence. What seems negative and forever lost in death can produce newness and life. Although Christ makes all [...]

Comments Off

Previous 123 Next

Kate Motaung

About Kate Motaung

CONTACT INFO

Allen Christian Counseling

ABOUT US