What to Do When You Get Stuck in the Grieving Process

No one wishes to lose a loved one, yet the passing on of someone close to us is part of the cycle of life. We may question why a loved one was taken from us, but in the end, we must learn to move forward through the grieving process and be present for the people here.

The grieving process helps to facilitate that healing. We feel the loss in stages or phases, and our emotions have time to process the loss. However, there is no set time period for grieving. We cannot estimate that someone will go from the shock of learning of a loved one’s death to accepting life without them in a few days. This process is different for everyone. You may mourn for several weeks to several years.

The grieving process

There are five stages of the grieving process. The first is shock or denial: you cannot believe the person is gone. You keep waiting to hear that their alleged death is a prank or a mistake.

The second stage is anger. You wonder how did this happen or who is responsible. You may be looking for someone to blame, or you may blame yourself. You may even be angry at your loved one for leaving you or being at the wrong place at the wrong time in an accident.

The third stage is bargaining. You may pray that God let you die instead of your loved one. Or you may obsess over what you would give up for another day with your loved one.

The fourth stage is depression. This stage often hits hard and in waves. Unlike persistent sadness, a common sign of depression, depression from grief is in response to thoughts about your loved one. For example, clinical depression has you focus on yourself and your worries about the future. In contrast, depression from grief has more to do with the thoughts about your loss.

The final stage in the grieving process is acceptance. This is the stage where you still miss your loved one, but you are now ready to accept his passing and find a way to move forward with your life.

Grief comes in waves. You may feel you have a good handle on your day, and suddenly, a memory will seep in and wash over you. Fond memories are normal and healthy when it comes to grief.

But when you get stuck in one of the stages of grief, then it becomes known as complicated grief. Typically, people get stuck in the anger or depression stages. However, people can cycle back through the stages until they finally reach acceptance.

What to do if you get stuck in the grieving process

After you have reached the acceptance stage, do not feel surprised if, several years later, on an anniversary, you feel the grief wash over you again. Grief is deep. If you continue to cycle through the grieving process to the point that it interferes with your daily activities, reach out to a counselor. There are ways through complicated grief that will allow you to have a productive life again.

In the meantime, give yourself grace. You have lost someone who you cared deeply about and loved. It may have you questioning your mortality. Treat yourself with patience and be willing to ask for help when you need it. Remembering your loved one is healthy, but obsessing over the loss is not.

Do you need help with complex grief?

Contact our office today if you are stuck in the grieving process. A counselor at Allen Christian Counseling in Texas can help you evaluate and move through the stages in a healthy way.