The Landscape of Loss: Navigating Grief and Transition

The experience of loss forever shifts the landscape of our lives. Without question, grief changes things. Sometimes, it changes everything, including us. It is important to embrace the reality that the life we once knew before death or loss simply won’t be the same. But what we identify as a single major change in life impacts many areas that have compound effects, in the seen and unseen, in what is felt as well as the imperceptible.

Death as disruption

The rhythms we became accustomed to, even those that may have irritated us from time to time, were predictable, familiar, and known to us. When disrupted, the change and transitions associated with adjustment can make us feel unsafe, as if our entire world is crumbling. Death is part of the life cycle, and we simply want to buffer ourselves from the sting and sharp edges of loss.

Even in this, we must allow ourselves to feel what we’re feeling to process what we’d rather escape. Though it may be excruciatingly painful, beauty can emerge from death’s ashes.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…and provide for those who grieve in Zion –  to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. – Isaiah 61:1,3, NIV

The evidence of Jesus’ resurrection provides the best evidence. What seems negative and forever lost in death can produce newness and life. Although Christ makes all things new, newness is disruptive. For some, the promise of newness can be frightening and overwhelming. For others, newness assuages the painful reminder of how void our lives have become following the loss of a loved one.

Sometimes, we crave the presence of loved ones lost, as well as what they provided in our lives. When grieving, we may feel torn between resuming the safe and comfortable rhythms that made us feel protected and steady and abandoning sameness that can make us feel stuck and entrenched in what feels like the inescapable confines of grief.

Embattled in bereavement

The desire to return to what was once our normal lives is embedded in the grieving process. Grief is often described as having five distinct stages, which range from denial, where we encounter disbelief with the loss, and acceptance, in which we experience resolution and even hope in moving forward. Each of these phases and the others in between may be experienced uniquely by the individual and vary from one loss to another.

The progression between stages isn’t always linear, sometimes overlapping or occurring out of order. Whether we find ourselves in the denial stage where we are incredulous that life and death have intersected our path or if we are bargaining with God about the loss itself, it is essential to allow and acknowledge the complexity of thoughts and emotions.

Though we may wrestle with acknowledging our thoughts and emotions for a variety of reasons, running away from what we feel doesn’t change our reality. Stifling expressions and emotions of grief hampers our mental and emotional well-being.

Grief is an emotional response to loss that can be marked by a flood of uncomfortable feelings including anger, deep anguish, and anxiety. Allowing space for our feelings can make the loss feel real. The reality of death makes us want to wave away its finality.

Honoring our loved ones

By acknowledging what we feel, despite its discomfort, we honor our loved one, noting that their life forever changed ours. In these times, it can be helpful to consider the ways that we want to celebrate their memory that goes beyond funeral rites.

We often need support when life resumes after the calls, cards, and condolence visits cease. Still, our decision to honor our loved one with intentional celebration, albeit small, has the power to transform us amid grief.

Some mourners find solace in making a creative project with photographs and artifacts or donating their loved ones’ items. Others assume a worthy social cause, volunteering or engaging in outreach, fundraisers, or community events to repurpose grief into a tangible benefit with positive impacts.

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them. – Psalm 126:5-6, NIV

Honoring ourselves

In permitting the expression of grief, we agree with God concerning our values and the importance of our thoughts and feelings. He cares for us, even through what is impossible to explain.

While we may experience anger or other emotions with God concerning the loss of our loved one, He can handle what we feel and meet us where we are. He is fully aware and not afraid to engage us or our questions (Jeremiah 33:3). Bringing our thoughts and feelings invites God into the places where the Holy Spirit gives comfort and peace that transcends our understanding.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:7, NIV

Honoring God

We can welcome God to meet us in our grief. Even through our tears and a simple cry of “help,” we affirm that He can do what we can’t do for ourselves or the other loved ones who may be struggling alongside us. Christ transforms the permanence of death into something more palatable, that has the potential to yield positive outcomes even in the darkest of times.

In faith, the Father champions us to boldly come to Him, finding mercy and grace to endure what is only possible with Him. Jesus helps us to lay down burdens and worries, exchanging them for the limitless benefit that His presence provides.

Others may not recognize us, but we may not even recognize ourselves considering who we once were before the experience of grief. While we can never go back to what was, we can embrace the constancy of who Christ is and what He offers.

Jesus is the same, regardless of what changes in life’s landscape (Hebrews 13:8). Even amid disruptions of death and loss, we must realize that He holds us together, binding Strength to frailty when we feel as if we are falling apart (2 Corinthians 12:9). Between our yesterdays, and all our tomorrows, He will be who He has always been, and that is faithful.

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. – Colossians 1:17, NASB

Next steps

Wherever you are in your grief journey, it is important to recognize that God knew you would be here. The complex thoughts and emotions can cause you to feel as if you are forever wandering and will never find a place to be anchored again, especially after the intensity of loss.

You are not alone in this process, as God remains present and available to you. Even where you are having difficulty approaching Him, He understands. Jesus Himself was a man of sorrows, deeply acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3).

Because He suffered, you don’t have to remain isolated in fear, anger, or even the depths of anguish. There is palpable help that works in the form of counseling. The Wonderful Counselor, who is with you, has led you here to encounter trained professionals who have resources and support (Isaiah 9:6; John 14:26).

Invest the time to search this site for a professional who will engage you with empathy. While you may have encountered death and grief, God has more for you to experience, even here, navigating the landscape of loss with the true Comforter (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)