How to Fix a Toxic Relationship: Identification and Impact

One of the strongest indicators of personal well-being and flourishing is the presence of healthy, nurturing relationships. While career success and financial stability are valuable, they cannot fully compensate for a lack of supportive connections.

When your relationships are positive, relatively conflict-free, and marked by a deep sense of connection, you’re more likely to experience genuine happiness than someone with prestige or wealth, but who struggles with poor, unsupportive relationships.

Our relationships play an essential role in our lives, providing us with companionship and support. Because healthy connections are so vital, the effects of harmful or toxic relationships can be especially devastating.

Toxic relationships can drain your energy, confidence, and overall happiness, making life feel as though you’re trudging endlessly through a personal fog of despair. Recognizing signs of toxicity is crucial to making more empowered choices that nurture, not deplete, your mental and emotional health.

Identifying a Toxic Relationship

The first step in addressing and potentially healing a toxic relationship is learning to recognize it. Easier said than done because when you’re in a harmful dynamic long enough, you stop seeing how bizarre it is, and you begin to do things that don’t make much sense. For instance, you may be in a relationship where your partner constantly belittles you or your career ambitions. After a while, such behavior seems normal.

However, you may still notice the oddness of certain behaviors, especially when in the company of others. Friends or colleagues may make comments or ask, “Why do they speak to you like that?” It’s important in those moments not to justify or excuse your partner, but to honestly face the question.

A toxic relationship can take many forms, and its patterns often look different from one relationship to another. One sign of a toxic relationship involves a persistent or consistent imbalance in the amount of effort each partner contributes to the relationship. Additionally, a lack of emotional support can be a red flag; your needs and feelings shouldn’t be consistently undervalued or dismissed by your loved ones.

Other signs of a toxic dynamic include the following:

Constant criticism, whether it’s about your looks, your work, how you do the chores, and so on, these patterns may point to a toxic relationship. There may even be a sense of competition or jealousy in the relationship.

Feeling a sense of dread when you’re interacting with them, or when you know you will be. Constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner.

Manipulation If you feel you’re being controlled or manipulated to either meet the other person’s needs or for them to avoid accountability.

Constant conflict Conflict is a reality in relationships, but when arguments are frequent and rarely lead to understanding or resolving the issues brought up, it may be a sign of a toxic relationship.

Feeling drained If spending time with your significant other leaves you feeling emotionally, mentally, or physically drained, or it leaves you feeling anxious or depressed.

Dishonesty Lies and deceit have no place in a relationship, as they foster a lack of trust.

Hostility If the relationship carries a pervasive atmosphere that feels hostile, negative, or is verbally or physically abusive.

How a Toxic Relationship Impacts You

In a healthy relationship, you have the space and support to flourish as an individual. In contrast, being in a toxic relationship can have a wide range of negative effects, often diminishing your emotional well-being and sense of self over time.

Being in a toxic relationship profoundly affects both your emotional and physical well-being. Because our minds and bodies are closely connected, the stress generated in a toxic relationship often shows up in physical symptoms such as high blood pressure, headaches, or disrupted sleep.

Emotionally, individuals in toxic relationships may experience increased anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. Over time, the constant tension and negativity can erode a person’s sense of safety, stability, and self-worth.

In addition, constant negativity and criticism can severely impact one’s self-esteem and self-worth. It can leave you feeling inadequate and unappreciated. It’s not uncommon for victims of toxic relationships to become isolated from friends and family due to the manipulative tactics of their partner, which can further exacerbate poor mental health.

How to Fix a Toxic Relationship

According to a study done by Psychology Today, around 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been in a toxic relationship at some point in their lives. To break free from a toxic relationship, you must first recognize the signs of a toxic relationship and then seek help to secure your emotional and mental well-being.

Repairing a toxic relationship is challenging and requires intentional commitment from both partners. One person cannot make these changes alone. If your partner is unwilling to recognize their role in the unhealthy patterns, it may signal the need for a different conversation about the future of the relationship.

Relationships are intended to be a place where both partners are uplifted, encouraged, held accountable, and empowered to grow into who the Lord created them to be. They are not meant to leave you feeling depleted, dismissed, or diminished.

Deciding whether to work toward healing the relationship or to step away often depends on whether both partners are willing to engage in the process. Above all, it’s essential to prioritize your mental and emotional health as you discern the best path forward.

With all this in mind, one of the first meaningful steps you can take in addressing toxic patterns in your relationship is engaging in honest self-reflection. You should reflect on your role in the toxic behavior that has taken hold of your relationship. Consider where your patterns or actions have contributed to the unhealthy dynamics in the relationship. Self-awareness of your own unhealthy behaviors or patterns helps you evaluate your role and take responsibility for it.

While self-awareness and evaluating the dynamics in the relationship inform the need to change, you also need to pause and take stock of your own needs. What do you truly want from this relationship? Gaining clarity about your needs allows you to pursue change with greater intentionality.

Once you’ve taken time to reflect, you can move toward communicating your needs and the boundaries attached to those needs. Every healthy relationship has boundaries, and these allow you to set healthy limits for what you can do, be involved in, and what helps you feel loved. It’s important to set boundaries, keep a healthy balance between give and take, and be aware of what you can’t compromise on for your well-being.

Setting boundaries is a ongoing conversation, not a unilateral communication. Talk with your spouse and be honest about what you need and why. You can express what you feel and need without assigning blame or shaming them for not meeting needs in the past. You can use “I” statements set out clear consequences for violating your boundaries.

As you communicate your boundaries to your spouse, be assertive and firm, clearly expressing yourself and your needs. These boundaries delineate what behaviors are acceptable or otherwise in the relationship, and they also highlight the changes necessary to turn things around. If certain boundaries are violated, such as your safety, it may mean ending the relationship.

When you’ve implemented changes, you can also set aside time to evaluate progress and consider whether you’re both putting in effort to change things and if the toxic behaviors are becoming less prominent over time. This assessment will help you weigh whether you’re working in the right direction and maintaining a healthy dynamic, or if things aren’t working and more drastic changes need to happen.

Reaching out to trusted friends or family members can be an important source of support. Loved ones may offer a wider perspective of your relationship and can provide you with emotional support during this difficult time.

In addition to leaning on your support system, it may be helpful to seek professional guidance. Working with a therapist or counselor can offer you a safe space to process your experiences and navigate the path toward healing. Your counselor or therapist can also serve as a neutral third party, helping to facilitate conversations so that both partners feel heard, understood, and respected throughout the process.