Complicated Grief and the Things Grievers Think

Over the years, people have tried their best to understand the grief process, even boiling it down to five common stages. Those who have grieved or are in the middle of grieving will tell you that grief is a complicated, messy, and often overwhelming mix of emotions and thoughts.

Grief is a deeply personal journey for anyone to take, and it can be difficult to know if what we are thinking and feeling during grief is normal or even healthy. Grievers often think things that would sound awful to confess, but it is only when we honestly grapple with our thoughts in grief that we can begin to find release from some of the heavier emotions.

The Things People Think During Complicated Grief

A large part of the grief process is having to untangle our thoughts from our emotions. Behind almost every thought or statement we make is an emotion and an experience. It might not always be safe or easy to express our thoughts, but many other people have, and their honesty can help us in our grief process. Here are some thoughts that many grievers have, and the emotions behind the thoughts:

“I resent that other people still have both their parents”

Jealousy, bitterness, and resentment are common emotions to experience in grief. They can result in additional feelings of guilt or anger. Feeling resentful of the fact that we have lost a loved one while other people haven’t might sound illogical, cruel, or petty to express, but it is a common experience.

We don’t have to express these thoughts, and they will eventually pass. A healthy way of coping with them is to first acknowledge them and then lean into the memory of our lost loved ones.

“I don’t know what to do now that I’m not having regular breakdowns”

Grief doesn’t ever truly leave us, but our emotions and experiences shift and change to accommodate our loss. There will come a time when we feel well enough to move on with life. We might have become accustomed to the emotions we feel. Moving on can feel like a betrayal to the person or situation we are grieving, but this is a reality of grief and one we must acknowledge as we move forward.

“Sometimes I feel confused that I’m grieving my father because we didn’t get along very well”

In grief, we often have thoughts and emotions that we’ve never had before. We could grieve someone we were never that close to, even a parent. We might feel confused, frustrated, or even guilty for this, but it also shows that we have the compassion to grieve a life that once meant something to someone. It’s not always easy to reconcile all these conflicting emotions. It’s not meant to be. Grief is complicated.

“I struggle to care about anything going on in the world that doesn’t have to do with death or loss”

One of the hardest things to accept in grief is that life goes on. Our world might feel upside down and inside out, but everything else simply continues. It’s difficult to have to deal with our grief while also participating in life. It’s fine if for a moment we can’t keep up with everything else that’s going on outside of our experience.

“After losing my daughter nearly a decade ago, I still can’t help but think that those around me will die unexpectedly”

Sometimes grief reveals deeper trauma that we haven’t begun to face. When we lose someone suddenly, we may begin to experience abandonment trauma. We begin fearing that we will lose more loved ones. There is no easy way out from this, but all trauma is easier to deal with when we begin acknowledging it.

We never truly “get over” grief. Prioritize yourself in grief and lean into friendships and family connections if possible. It may take some time, but you will not always feel the way you do now. When you begin to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings you will find that it becomes easier to deal with your emotions and move on in life without truly forgetting your loved one.

Christian Grief Counseling in Allen, Texas

If you need some extra support or feel like you would benefit from talking to someone who is removed from your family or circle of friends, consider speaking with a Christian counselor in Allen, Texas. At Texas Christian Counseling, Allen, we can connect you with someone who will walk you through even the most complicated of experiences. Reach out to our office today for a grief counseling appointment in Allen.