7 Ways to Know You’re Truly Ready to Date Again After Divorce

Okay, let’s get real for a minute. No whistle magically blows in your bedroom, waking you up one day to show you’re ready to put your dating shoes back on. Society imposes these arbitrary waiting periods, like a year off the dating scene, waiting until your papers are final, or until you’ve been single long enough. Honestly, though, life doesn’t operate on timelines.

You might feel pressure from your friends to swipe right on that trendy dating app, or you might just be lonely and bored on your weekend nights. The point is, diving back into dating after divorce on a whim is like going food shopping when you’re hangry. You’ll grab whatever junk feels soothing in that moment and regret it later.

But then, what’s the honest answer to knowing you’re prepared, instead of just looking for a quick emotional Band-Aid?

The Trap of the Comparison Game

Most people get tripped up after a divorce when they start seeking out a new person to love without first changing the criteria of what they are looking for. Understandably, it is human nature to pick someone who immediately seems different than your ex.

If betrayal was part of your past, you’ll likely develop a sharp radar for even the slightest hint of dishonesty in others. You might catch yourself overthinking how neat your friend’s apartment is, especially if your ex wasn’t the tidiest.

Even though the idea of a new person ticking all the right boxes sounds great, it’s a slippery slope to measure them against your ex. This thinking forces you to let your ex-hole choose your future mate, which is basically clinging to heartache rather than growing from it.

Using a Temporary Solution to Mend a Deeper Gap

There is an emptiness that comes along with divorce. Losing someone important from your life out of the blue is a tough pill to swallow. You lose the little morning texts, the shared meals with bad movies, and that go-to person for boss complaints.

Losing that deep, soul-level connection is a huge blow, and navigating that in-between, half-single phase can feel incredibly hard. It’s easy to see someone else as a quick salve to that loneliness.

And yes, a new relationship might provide a brief reprieve from loneliness, yet it does nothing to truly heal the deeper sadness. You’re not going to form a genuine attachment with someone when you’re using them as a distraction from your own heartache.

Ways to Know You’re Actually Prepared to Date Again

True readiness normally shows itself in the small, personal decisions you make when you’re being your authentic self, away from prying eyes. Let’s look at some simple ways to know if you’re emotionally prepared for dating.

• You see your ex-spouse’s name or picture pop up, and it doesn’t send your stomach into knots. Instead, you feel relieved that you ran into them, and life goes on.
• You can spend an evening by yourself with the crock pot and a coloring book and enjoy being alone. You no longer lie awake at night, anxious about spending another weekend alone.
• You used to feel like you had to defend your role in your divorce. Now you can admit where you went wrong in the marriage without beating yourself up.
• Instead of interviewing every person who walks into your sphere, you actually want to learn who they are and what they like.
• These days, a poor dating experience doesn’t trigger tears over your dinner order. If meeting someone doesn’t go well, you can shrug it off because you know your value isn’t tied to strangers.
• Your girlfriends comment that you don’t bring up your ex every other sentence anymore and you’re finally asking how they are doing too.
• You’ve established clear boundaries with your co-parent and family so that a new romantic interest won’t be plunged into a difficult situation.

Setting Yourself to Date Again After Divorce

Feeling ready isn’t always straightforward. If you’ve taken inventory and realized you needed a little more healing time, that’s ok. Preparing your heart for someone new, instead of just passively hoping for the best, requires you to step outside the box.

Tearing down old emotional hang-ups single-handedly is difficult, and it’s understandable if you don’t want that burden alone. Consider getting some support to ensure you feel ready to move forward with your next relationship.

The therapists at Texas Christian Counseling, Allen understand just how complicated life can become. If meeting with a qualified counselor in Allen, Texas to help you sift through the junk sounds like a step in the right direction, contact our reception team today at Texas Christian Counseling in Allen, Texas.