There is likely nothing that adds to a burden more than the feeling that you’re carrying it alone. Sometimes, the best thing you can hear is “Me too!”. The fact that another person shares the same burden, that you aren’t alone, or weird, in dealing with certain things, doesn’t eliminate your struggle, but it certainly lightens the load. Women’s insecurities are no different.
C.S. Lewis once wrote, “When two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’ It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision – it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.”
Knowing that other women have insecurities like yours may not forge a friendship, but it allows you to stand in “immense solitude” with others.
Common women’s insecurities
All people have insecurities, and they stem from a variety of sources. Some insecurities may not be peculiar to women, but many women experience them. Airing them out allows the sense of shame, guilt, or fear that shrouds them to dissipate. Some of the more common women’s insecurities include the following:
Insecurities about one’s body.
There is a lot of pressure in society to conform to certain beauty standards. Ads, movies, and social media all conspire to create the image of the perfect woman. A negative body image can result, leading to dissatisfaction with the body and features the Lord gave you. You can walk around asking yourself whether you’re attractive, look just right, or are dressed well. Instead of being in the moment, you’re caught up in your head.
Insecurities in relationships.
Many women find deep significance in their relationships. People are relational beings; that’s just how God made us. It’s possible to make idols out of your relationships, to locate your identity in them.
Many women wonder whether they are wife enough, mom enough, or girlfriend enough to the people they love most. They want to be present for others, wanted by others, and fulfilled in their relationships.
All good things, but when good things become ultimate things, they become idols, and idols exact a price, whether that’s peace of mind or bad choices you make to keep or enter relationships. Your identity is found in Christ, not in your relationships.
Insecurities about faith.
Many women have felt the weight of being perfect in their faith. When you lose your temper at your child or are impatient or see another woman who seems so much godlier and gifted than you, that can spark insecurities, jealousy, and resentment. This poisons relationships as well as undermine our contentment in Christ and joy in the gospel.
Insecurities at work.
Impostor syndrome is real. Many women struggle with it. You can wonder whether you’re good enough to be where you are at your job, whether they will listen to you, and whether you have a future in that space. Instead of being confident in your accomplishments while remaining open to learning and growing, you can get mired in fear.
Finding help to overcome your insecurities.
We all have insecurities and growth areas. No one is perfect, as we all fall short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23). But God gives us grace and welcomes all His daughters with unbounded joy.
Sometimes, you need to name and unravel the negative thought patterns and unhealthy behaviors that you may be mired in. Taking steps like unplugging from social media and refusing to play the comparison game can take you to a place of deeper appreciation for who God made you. Perhaps you need to be reminded of God’s love for you, and how in Him you are enough.
Walking with a counselor can help you on this journey. They are trained to help you unpack your thoughts and emotions, to work through past hurts, and build up your self-esteem and emotional resilience.
It’s okay to not be okay and to need help. That first step can be liberating, and change things forever. Don’t hesitate to reach out for counseling to deal with your concerns and to begin moving toward a deeper appreciation of the person you are in Christ.
Photos:
“Coffee Klatch”, Courtesy of LinkedIn Sales Solutions, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Smiling Woman”, Courtesy of LinkedIn Sales Solutions, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Yoga”, Courtesy of Natalia Blauth, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License
