Keys to Better Communication

Better communication is the very essence of every relationship in your life. There are times that you need the benefit of getting things off your chest and there are times that you are the one someone will choose to come to for advice. Either way, learning how to communicate better is worth the time and effort.

From the beginning, communication has been an integral part of who we are as people. Throughout God’s Word, we find how communication is such an important part of the Christian life. Spoken words have the ability to encourage or discourage. Once we speak the words, we can no longer take them back so choose what you say wisely.

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil person out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart. – Luke 6:45, ESV

Tips for Better Communication

Learning to communicate better with those around you will reduce misunderstanding and increase the closeness of the relationship. How do you communicate better with those around you?

Think about the words you use

It is not always wise to speak out of emotion. The last thing you want to do is cause more harm than good during a discussion. Take time to reflect on what is being discussed. By doing this you will find that you can speak in a way that is encouraging and positive.

Thinking before you speak allows you to be mindful of the situation and the other person. This is a huge factor in ensuring the other person that you are not just flippantly trying to discuss the situation. Everyone wants to feel respected in a conversation. By being mindful in this manner you are allowing the other person to realize that their thoughts are also important.

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. – Proverbs 12:18, ESV

Actions can speak louder than words

Even when you aren’t aware body language can speak louder than the words you are using. Being conscious of your body movements and facial expressions is important during a conversation. Maintaining a positive and encouraging atmosphere keeps the situation from becoming tense.

Many people pay attention to the body language of the person that is talking. Having a frown on your face during a conversation could cause the other person to shut down and not continue the conversation.

On the other hand, using positive gestures increases the probability of the conversation ending on a more positive note. Smiling is one of the best things that a person can see when carrying on a conversation.

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. – Proverbs 16:24, ESV

Listening is a game changer for better communication

The last thing anyone wants to encounter when having any sort of discussion is a person who is not listening. Hearing and listening are not quite the same things. You can hear lots of things but when you are listening you are focused on what is being said. Listening shows that you are being attentive to the speaker. Simply put, it is being respectful.

More often than not you will find that you have assumed wrong when trying to speak before hearing the entirety of what the other person is trying to convey.

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. – Proverbs 18:13, ESV

Butting in is rude

It’s easy to tell that someone is not listening when they are butting in or interrupting the conversation. Most of the time when this happens the person talking will begin to feel like they need to be defensive. Before long, the voices are loud, and tempers begin to flare. Just because you don’t agree doesn’t mean you need to cut in and overtake the conversation.

The ability to communicate better includes an acknowledgment that each person deserves to be heard. Typically when everyone has a chance to be heard there is a better understanding.

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. – Colossians 4:6, ESV

Dangers of text messages and emails

In the vast world of technology, it is so easy to send a quick text message or email. In an everyday chit-chat conversation, these forms of communication are acceptable. However, when it is an important situation that needs an attentive conversation, these can be dangerous. It is so easy to misconstrue the tone and expressions that would come with the words in person. Unless you choose to use emojis to convey sentiments it is better to leave texting to idle chit-chat.

Emails can set up a tone of seriousness. Contrarily, this may not be what is intended. Receiving an email could make a person feel as though they are being reprimanded and/or blamed. A phone call before sending an email would be acceptable. This would indicate the tone and context of the email ahead of time.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. – Proverbs 25:11, ESV

Be intentional with your wording for better communication

One of the worst feelings when it comes to a conversation is the one where you walk away feeling unintelligent. This is usually a result of the usage of wordage that is sometimes viewed as pompous or pretentious. Just because you can use highly intellectual words doesn’t mean you should. Being clever with your words will more than likely result in a very tense discussion.

Since better communication revolves around words you will need to learn how to be intentional with them. This means that you acknowledge that there is another person in the conversation. Knowing how they communicate and what language they use is detrimental to being able to make a connection. It is much easier when you know their personality and character. Be intentional with your words to ensure the other person will engage in the discussion.

The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips. – Proverbs 16:23, ESV

Using analogies can make the conversation engaging

There are times that you will need to explain what you are trying to convey differently. This may be done by  defining words or using synonyms. The person listening to you must understand what you are trying to convey. The goal of communication is to engage with each other. A one-sided conversation isn’t very entertaining.

Try using analogies within a conversation. When a person is provoked to think about something they will want to engage in the conversation. Just be sure that the analogy is in line with the conversation. Otherwise, you will find that the listener is no longer interested in what is being said.

One of the most common analogies is from Forrest Gump. “Life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re gonna get.” Because everyone has a different way of thinking and understanding, analogies sometimes help clarify the meaning. Clearing up any misunderstandings before they grow will always result in a pleasant conversation.

So with yourselves, if with your tongue you utter speech that is not intelligible, how will anyone know what is said? For you will be speaking into the air. – 1 Corinthians 14:9, ESV

Seek to uplift and encourage for better communication

Above all things always speak in a way that will be encouraging. When you speak to others with an uplifting attitude and positive words it opens up the conversation. People are less hesitant to discuss matters when everyone is speaking negatively.

Encouraging others eventually encourages you. When the conversation is a tough one it is important to remember that the goal is to work through the situation. Sometimes people just need to know that someone understands. They need to know that they can talk about what’s bothering them and not be judged.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29, ESV

Encouraging professional help

There are times that you may need to advise or suggest that the person reach out to a counselor to develop better communication. If you feel that the person needs professional help with a situation it is best to refer them to someone who is trained in that area. Should you require counseling services please reach out to a counselor here at Allen Christian Counseling to meet your needs.