Key Questions to Ask in Premarital Counseling

The American family is changing rapidly, and now more than ever shifts are occurring which means, for example, that many are choosing to live without a romantic partner. According to 2019 census data, around 38% of American adults from ages 25-54 were “unpartnered,” meaning they were neither living with a partner nor were they married. While all that is happening, people are nonetheless choosing to be married despite these broader societal trends, and it’s important for those taking that step to be prepared for marriage. Premarital counseling is a key component in the marriage preparation process.

Do we need premarital counseling?

Getting ready to be married is a busy and overwhelming time. Not only are weddings expensive, but the social strain they can cause is daunting. The couple can find themselves having more arguments over napkins, seating charts, and color schemes than they may have had in their entire dating life together. It may seem like adding one more thing to the to-do list is courting trouble.

Despite it seeming like an optional extra, premarital counseling is something that every couple will benefit from. A wedding is an event that takes months to plan, but it’s over in a matter of hours. The wedding is a single day, but you have the rest of your lives to prepare for.

Premarital counseling is the essential preparation that gets a couple on the same page about important aspects of their life together. It helps a couple enter their lifelong union equipped to nurture their relationship and handle the challenges that will inevitably arise.

Important questions premarital counseling.

Premarital counseling can happen through a spiritual leader like a pastor, and it can happen through a professional counselor. Whether online or in person, as a couple, or with other couples in group premarital counseling, the key thing is that you create space to explore important questions and receive the tools you need to give your marriage a strong foundation.

Some of the key questions that can be asked during premarital counseling will help surface expectations and boundaries that perhaps weren’t articulated explicitly while you were dating.

Romantic love can be heady, and often it isn’t pragmatic. If you’re not intentional about exploring your beliefs, expectations, goals, and fears, you can be swept away by your feelings without examining your relationship.

This is one reason couples often feel reluctant to go for premarital counseling. People worry that it will stir up unnecessary trouble. However, premarital counseling allows a couple to see what’s already there, and they can make informed decisions about their future.

Some of the key questions that you can ask and that will be asked during premarital counseling include the following:

• Do you want children, and how many do you want?
• What is your idea of what parenting will be like, and how would you want to raise your children? What are your ideas about appropriate discipline for your children?
• What are your goals as a couple? For instance, do you want to buy your own house, and how soon do you see that happening?
• How important are your faith commitments, and how will they shape your life together? Will you worship in the same community, pray, and read Scripture together?
• How will you handle your finances, and who in the relationship will be responsible for the finances? This includes balancing the checkbook, making sure donations, car, and house payments are made on time, as well as who will handle filing your tax returns. It also includes how you will spend, save, invest, donate, and otherwise deal with your income.
• What sort of roles do you see in your marriage? This includes doing the chores, doing grocery runs, and handling seasonal tasks.
• What are some important boundaries that you’d like to establish in your relationship? These can include anything from how you spend your spare time, what you’ll do for holidays, what you can post on social media, whether you have access to each other’s devices and various social media or bank accounts, and how involved you’d like your friends and in-laws to be in your lives.
• What are your expectations regarding intimacy – physical, emotional, and spiritual? Are there some things that are off-limits?
• How do you handle conflict? Do you avoid it, are you confrontational, do you require time to process your emotions before you engage?

Get started.

While the questions above don’t read like the stuff that sweeping and heart-stopping romances are made of, there is a lot of wisdom behind them. Each couple needs to be prepared for their life together, and that will include doing the dishes and taking out the garbage. That may not get your heart racing, but it can rid your marriage of unnecessary conflict and provide you with the tools to handle conflict well.

If you’re preparing to get married, you should consider premarital counseling to make sure that you and your future spouse are on the same page about your future, and to give your marriage the best chance possible at succeeding. Reach out today to find a counselor at Allen Christian Counseling in Texas who can walk with you toward a stronger, happier marriage.