6 Ways to Reap the Joys of Being Single

Each of us has been single at some point in our lives. The reason for it is varied as we are different. However, no matter how normal it is for people to find themselves single at any given moment, the stigma attached to it can be unwarranted.

There are awkward family events where everyone is asking when one is going to get married or have children. Sometimes we face unfair workplace practices where single people are given the bulk of the work because they are seen not to have a busy schedule. This is no wonder why a lot of people struggle during their season of being single. It has been drilled in us since we were children that being coupled with another is the ultimate goal of life, that it’s the only way to be happy, fulfilled, and have meaning in life.

Fairytales, romantic movies, literature, and social media are rife with displays of happiness that can only be found in being in a romantic relationship with someone else. There is a loud message out there that automatically disqualifies those who are single from a loving, fulfilling, and meaningful life.

Scientific studies have been done over the years to cement these beliefs. This is not to say that these studies are false, they however do not take into consideration the real lived experiences of those that are single and happy. The fact that more married people live fulfilling lives does not automatically mean that every single person is doomed. Being single is not a sentence, nor is it some form of purgatory to be endured till you find someone to complete you.

Dealing with Heartbreak and Grief

Most people find themselves single because of a romantic relationship that did not work out. No matter the circumstances surrounding the breakup, this can be traumatic and disorienting. Part of being single will be learning how to deal with lost love and heartbreaks productively so that the healing happens quickly. This prevents people from rushing into the next romantic relationship with unresolved hurts.

Grief is the emotion we experience because of deep loss. Losing the person we loved is a great loss. Those going through a break-up will experience the normal feelings of grief and this process has to take its course. The grief cycle involves people going through different stages. These will not be in any order but will be experienced at some point of one trying to pick up the pieces and trying to heal and move on. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

The best way to deal with any emotional hurt is to acknowledge that it exists and not try to numb it with work, substances, rebound relationships, or any activity that one can use not to confront their pain. When one has lost someone, one needs to permit themselves to grieve, feel the emotions and work through them.

At times this might be difficult to do alone, but one can always seek professional help to be given perspective and also learn some healthy coping skills. Healing from the hurt and disappointment of lost love can take time, but doing the work will be important for regaining oneself and being open to the idea of meeting someone again.

Being Single Is Not Synonymous with Loneliness

One of the common misconceptions about being single is that single people are lonely and hence will always suffer the consequences of loneliness. Loneliness, though it can be aided by being alone is not always synonymous with being alone or being single.

Loneliness is more a state of mind, this is when a person feels empty, alone, or unwanted. This can happen even when someone is married or surrounded by loving friends. This is important to know for those who are single and fear that they will be lonely if they do not get coupled up. It is very possible for one to be single but have meaningful relationships with friends, family, and colleagues.

This is not to say that single people do not feel lonely from time to time, it is normal for everyone to experience feelings of loneliness, the danger is in assuming all single people are lonely. When someone is single, knowing that they do not have to be lonely during this period will give them the ability to cultivate and maintain those relationships that are not romantic but fulfilling.

Reaping the Joys of Being Single

Being single can be for a season or a lifetime for those who have decided not to marry. Either way, this time can be maximized. It does not need to be all gloom and doom as society would have us believe. As with anything that requires us to change, it all starts with our perception of singleness.

We need to reframe how we view this season for us to have any progress. The myths about being single need to be challenged. True, being questioned about one’s relationship status can indeed make us feel like there is something wrong with us, but that is not the case at all.

Here are some ways to look at the season of being single to help reframe our view:

Focus – Being single brings about the ability to know what you need in life, yourself, and a life partner. There is no distraction from the needs and wants of another. This type of focus will help in being clearer about your strengths and areas of growth.

Freedom – Single people have such freedom that those in relationships sometimes envy. The freedom to be spontaneous without needing to consider someone else, the freedom to chase that which makes you come alive. Though this does not happen in all relationships, some people get lost in them and find it hard to have the opportunity to just be them.

Accountability – When one is single, they learn to be accountable to themselves as well as to society. When you do not have anyone to fall on, you know what it looks like to take responsibility for your actions and reap rewards meant to be yours.

Learn Self-Sufficiency – Though being single can be challenging in some instances, it gives you a great opportunity to learn how to be self-sufficient. This is not to say that you don’t need anyone. When you are self-sufficient and you meet someone to share life with, you are not doing it out of need or desperation. Self-sufficiency helps in being more confident.

Building Meaningful Relationships – As humans, we are social beings. Our survival and feelings of worth are connected to how much we feel connected to others. Being single helps someone build and maintain nonromantic relationships that will serve as their support system even after they are in a relationship. This means that they do not expect their romantic partner to be their be-all and end-all.

Identity – Knowing who you are, what you like, and what makes you tick is important before getting involved with someone. Being single provides an opportunity for self-reflection.  Great relationships are formed by two people who understand who they are and what they want. This means you don’t wait for someone to define you.

There is so much stigma in today’s world attached to someone being single. Being single does not have to be the doomed situation we are told by society. We all have our different paths to walk, and if it is being single for a season or a lifetime, one can still have a joyful and fulfilling life.

Talk To Someone

With all that’s been said above, it does not mean that being single does not have its struggles. If you find that you are experiencing loneliness, depression, or anxiety as a result of being single, reach out to our offices. We have experienced counselors who will be there for you and help you this season.