6 Tips for How to Help Your Children through a Difficult Season

As parents, one of our biggest desires is to raise godly, productive members of society. We want our children to be strong, independent, God-fearing, loyal, kind, and respectful. We desire for them to stand out from the crowd, notice people who are struggling, respect authority, work hard, and grow in their relationship with Christ.

We pray they save themselves for marriage, choose godly spouses, choose the best career path for their dreams, and continue to come to us for guidance and direction.

The reality is that our children will struggle.

• They might be teased or ridiculed.
• They might get cut from a team or club to which they desperately want to belong.
• They might feel invisible.
• They might want to fit in.
• They might choose friends we would not choose for them.
• They might struggle in sports.
• They might struggle in school.
• They might have their heart broken by a friend or crush.
• They might struggle with mental health issues.
• They might struggle with faith.
• They might struggle at home.

6 Tips for How to Help Your Children

Here are a few things to keep in mind to help support your children through the difficulties of their journey:

1. Don’t compare one child’s journey to another child’s journey.

Just as it can be all too easy to compare our journey to those around us, it often produces unwanted pressure and negative feelings in our children. It is important not to compare one child’s journey to another child’s journey.

Each child is unique and will feel and experience things differently. Sit with them in their grief. Validate what they are feeling. Get on their eye level when talking and let your heart and emotions connect with theirs.

 2.Validate your children’s feelings.

Many adults assume that children have it easy. Some people tell children to “get over” things without really hearing them out and nurturing their tiny spirits. They might be tiny humans, but they are mighty and still feel big things.

Validate their feelings with simple responses, such as, “I can see you are very upset…,” “Wow! That must have made you feel sad/angry…”, “Here’s what I am hearing you say…” or “Wow! I can see you are trying…” The key is to respond in a way that shows you are listening and that you genuinely care about their feelings.

Children will shut down if you instantly cut them off and do not provide a safe place for them to discuss their feelings. Just because it is not a big problem for you does not mean it does not feel like a big problem to them. Hear them out. Respond with grace. Tune into your body language and ensure that they know you want to hear what they have to say.

3. Be there for your children – physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Being there for your child is more than just carpooling him or her to sports and extracurricular activities. Being there for your child is more than just ensuring his or her homework is done and he or she is maintaining a good GPA that is sure to get him or her into a good college. Be there for them in conversation, affection, and spiritual rearing. Do not just tell them HOW to live – SHOW them.

“The mother’s heart is the child’s classroom.” – Henry Ward Beecher

“Men are never manlier than when they are tender with their children – whether holding a baby in their arms, loving their grade-schooler, or hugging their teenager or adult children.” – R. Kent Hughes

Being there for your children means:

• Praying for and over them.
• Asking them about different things they are facing.
• Wiping their tears away when they are feeling defeated.
• Holding them when they are heartbroken.
• Saying “I love you” constantly, even when you feel frustrated.
• Showing affection.
• Having deep conversations.
• Showing and sharing the love of Jesus.
• Supporting and encouraging their dreams.
• Being supportive and encouraging, even when they are not the best.
• Talking about feelings and helping them realize authenticity is better than putting on a show.
• Helping them discover God’s great plans for their life.
• Teaching them about serving others and seeing different perspectives.
• Being kind is always better.
• Teaching them about God’s Word and the importance of Scripture.
• There is no shame in going to regular counseling.

 4.Encourage them every chance you get.    

In a world filled with negativity and the pressures to be perfect, encourage your children’s hearts, talents, and kind gestures constantly. Find ways to celebrate the individuals that they are.

Cheer like crazy when they write their first song or poem. Encourage their hard work and diligence when they spend extra time practicing for the sport they love or choose to befriend someone who does not have any friends over hanging with the “cool kids” who make fun of everyone.

Tell them how proud you are when they audition for the talent show or try out for the school basketball team, even if they do not make it. Putting yourself out there can be difficult. Facing rejection can be difficult. We need to instill a desire to want to keep trying to celebrate taking those risks.

5. Embrace the opportunities to let them be children.

While it may sound simple, it can become all-consuming for our children to play sports and stay on top of their schoolwork. Sometimes we push children to do more and be more. While it is important to raise well-rounded children, we also want to take opportunities to let them be children. They only have one childhood.

The memories of their childhood that included family time, adventures, giggling, and dancing will be memories they will treasure forever. Making your home a safe place for children to grow, feel, thrive, and just be children is pivotal to who they become and how they process feelings and events in the future. Home should be the place they want to return to, not the place they dread.

“Children take more notice of what their parents do, than what they say. Actions speak louder than words.” – William Tiptaft

6. Consider adding “device-free” family time.

In our fast-paced society, it is beneficial to consider going “old-school” from time to time. Have a board game night. Make up your own silly games. Have family meetings. Consider having device-free hours for everyone, where you can truly focus on your family and have heart-to-heart conversations.

Make church a priority. Have family devotions or read books together before bedtime. It is okay if your family is labeled “old-school” when it comes to raising children and instilling values.

The biggest thing to remember while supporting children during the ever-changing seasons of life is to love them, prioritize them, and try to understand things from their perspective.

If you are having a difficult time navigating the ever-changing seasons or just want to ensure your family’s health is prioritized, family counseling is a wonderful option to have support as you help your children process what they are feeling while preparing them for whatever lies ahead. The counselors at our office would love to help encourage and support your family and children. Just remember – you are the exact parents your children need!

Scripture verses for raising godly children

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4, ESV

Remember not to cause your child to feel resentment toward you for unresolved issues.

Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. – Proverbs 22:6, ESV

The lessons you instill in your child now are likely to last for a lifetime, so make them count.

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. – Deuteronomy 6:6-7, NIV

Make it your goal to have faith-based conversations with your children every day.

If you need additional guidance to help your children through a difficult season, don’t hesitate to reach out to a Christian counselor. Counseling sessions can provide you with the practical help and spiritual support you need.